Isolation Journal 79

Alan's alarm went off at 7.30am this morning and he seemed in a much better mood and had a much better night of sleep and his grogginess seemed better too.  I wasn't too bad and got up and had cornflakes for breakfast because the milk had leaked.

I had a set up call with Katie and chatted a bit about her being on holiday for 2 weeks.  We then had a BD day set up call at 10am and I didn't make many BD calls, but I found a new contact and picked up 2 jobs...for the property team!  I'm just not picking anything up for myself at the moment.  

I was at least pleased that one of the other girls has filled 5 of the roles I'd passed her and one of the guys in Manchester filled one as well so overall it's like me placing 1 role!  We ate outside which was very warm, Alan made waffles and sausages and some mayo and sriracha and we had a lolly.  

We had a meeting to share permanent candidates with the wider team and then I had a busy afternoon trying to sort out some issues and get up to date with emails, candidate applications and coaching people on their career choices.

Hayley and Flower were coming over to visit and Alan made dinner and I ate a lovely Hello Fresh haloumi curry and we watched the Peep Show Christmas episode.  

The second accidental book that I'd ordered arrived and so I gave it to Flower to have a read and also made him a cappucino and gave Hayley a rocket lolly.

After they had left I tidied and cleaned the kitchen and the rest of the downstairs and earlier Alan had discovered that the Apple TV remote had got smashed.  

Maya kept sneaking out onto the roof during the day and this evening as we were getting ready to come upstairs she managed to get onto the adjacent flat roof of Ally and Pete next door, I had to shake the treats to encourage her to come back in the window!  I listened to more of the "Windup Bird Chronicles"

I didn't run, but it's the first time I've had a day off since last Wednesday.

Late last night I saw on my time hop that it was a year since my hen day and so I was reminded that I wanted to borrow a game from Jenny and Jonny that I thought Alan would like based on the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, but Jenny said no as Jonny was quite particular and didn't lend out games, but I searched and found it at an independent game sellar/cafe and ordered it and I told him about it earlier to try and cheer him up from his anxiety.

Isolation Journal 77

I didn't sleep very well at all, I kept waking up just as I was drifting off and I think it was only about 6 hours or so in the end.  I had cornflakes and 2 coffees for breakfast and I picked up the milk, orange juice and eggs and brought them in.

I logged on and had a catch up call with both Rachel and Katie and then had a morning of sorting out emails and then I signed on for Pilates and at the end had a chat with David about the weird nerve thing that is happening to my left leg - basically when I was shaving my legs the other day I noticed the nerves all over my foot tingling like mad.  He didn't think that it was anything to be too worried about, but recommended roll downs and prayer stretches.

I had reheated pasta bake for lunch and then also lots of water!   I arranged a team meeting for our team and the colleagues who look after the more junior end of the market.  We then had a client meeting and then I interview prepped a candidate.  I finished the day by placing a candidate into a job, I was especially pleased as we've been tryinig to help her since I found her a role about a year ago and she couldn't start as she'd had a stroke.  I was really pleased to hep her.  I even managed to send out a LinkedIn search for Rachel.

I finished off at 6.45pm and went for an easy run of 6.5K and then cooked Hello Fresh for dinner which was potato wedges with steak strips and mushroom and red wine sauce with green beans.  I took all the recycling out and the flowers were past their best and put them in the green bins.  I listened to Wind Up Bird Chronicles by Haruki Murakami whilst out on my run and cooking - I'd listened to a good few hours whilst commuting, but not for about 6 months, so I'd started from the beginning again.  We watched Peep Show and ate dinner and 

I then had a shower in the bath and I called my Mum back and suggested I could try and visit them although she sounded uncomfortable.  We ended up down the odd conversation topic that she was saying she is 94% English DNA, and no African DNA, I pointed out all of us are likely to be from the same, very likely African DNA, but then she started saying we are all descended from Adam and Eve, very odd.  My brother texted to say that he'd ended up getting the job he'd applied for as the external candidate had turned it down.  We then chatted for about 45 minutes and.  He was suggesting I might be better to stay at his and I think that should be fairly safe as he's very careful and has definitely already had Covid even though he tested negative for the antibodies 4 months later.

I followed up on twitter as I was due to have a flash fiction prompt from Tania Hershman but it hadn't arrived via stupid hotmail, so I had to follow up and she kindly resent it for me.  

Isolation Journal 74

Alan had taken some of the strong anti histamines that he'd been prescribed yesterday for the reactions he'd had and so seemed to sleep ok, I got up and logged on and used Alan's Macbook as it displays a lot of work software much better than my Dell.  I'd gone to bed quite late as I was again writing away like mad and got to another 1900 words last night on the novel.

I had cornflakes and coffee for breakfast and we kicked off with a call at 9am with a couple of us and the morning was busy, but a bit of a blur.  I think it was reasonably productive, but I can't be 100% sure.  

I then went downstairs at lunch to heat up my lunch, the pasta bake from yesterday.  Whilst I was heating it up in the microwave I noticed a small grey dog outside the house, there was a convertable Mazda reversing that I didn't recognise and the dog was jumping up at it.  The Mazda drove off and I made a note of the numberplate as we weren't sure if it had just dumped the poor dog.  Alan ran out to see if the dog was ok, and it was limping a little and someone pulled up in another car and said the dog lived at number 10 so we took her back and found that she was called Bea.  They'd not noticed she'd escaped, I'm glad we found her!

I then ate some lunch and heard Qubit come in making the meow noise that he makes when he's caught something.  Alan got to him first and it was a live sparrow, fortunately it flew into the kitchen and I was able to shut the door, grab the keys and helped it fly away unharmed.

The afternoon was definitely more productive.  I still have loads I'm not on top of, candidate conversations are taking a lot longer at the moment and they all want to give me a life history before I then find out that they only want work in London and they've reeled off 20 years of experience and I have to disappoint them to explain I can't find them anything relevant.  I picked up more jobs for other people which was good, but frustrating as I'd really like a job to work on for myself soon!

I finished work at 7pm and then went for a run, I am apparently "overreaching" according to Garmin so I made sure to run more steadily and did 8K and was "productive" at the end of it.  I saw a cool bird of prey and ran a few segments.  I got back in and went and had a shower as I was pretty sweaty!

I cooked tea, Hello Fresh had accidentally sent us the wrong recipe card for a recipe last week which confused me so I used the chicken from another recipe and some spare chicken to make tea.  We had chicken in panko breadcrumbs and wedges and a cool ginger and carrot salad.  I listened to more of "I heart Vegas" whilst I was cocoking and I finished up some mints that I'd been bought for my birthday and split a bottle of prosecco with Alan.  

We watched Spooks and then I bought a book for my Uni Alumni bookclub.  I choose to buy it from the most local independent bookshop - Fox Lane Books and it's definitely a lot more expensive, but it's important to support more bookshops when they have faced so much competition from Amazon.

Alan grabbed me an ice lolly and went for a bath and I watched some more Catfish

Isolation Journal 72

After my writing spree last night my brain was super active and alert and it took me ages to go to sleep, but Alan's alarm went off at 7.30am as he went to the dentists for 9am to get some fillings.

I got up and had the same breakfast as yesterday - yoghurt, granola, apple and lemon curd and got logged on for my team call and caught up with everyone.  Today definitely felt more productive, we have interviews arranged for roles that I've referred to people, I used the LinkedIn Recruiter licence to message some people.  

Alan got back form the Dentist around 10am and seemed ok, the novocaine had worn off and he didn't seem to be faring too badly despite 3 fillings.  He said that the dentist was in hardcore, full on PPE. 

At 12pm we decided to go for a walk and were out for about 45 mins and covered the same distance as I usually do in 20 minutes on a run, a circuit of both a lane near us, along a road and back through a field of wheat around the back of our house.  As we walked we talked about stocks and shares and the trading platform and I sold the shares I had in Pets at home and bought some in Howden Joinery - I don't know what I'm doing and I have lost money on Coca Cola, Mothercare, Hays, Tilray so far....so I'm waiting for them to improve.

I had a slice of bread, butter, ham and lettuce for lunch and today was again a 3 coffee day.

I started using a LinkedIn search for a colleague and it was all fine, she checked the search, I sent her mail and assumed she would not choose in inmail people that weren't right and I should have checked as I received a rather disgruntled reply from someone who was probably on 4 times as much as this role was paying and worked for a rather major Football Club - I apologised profusely and explained it was my first experience of the recruiter licence.

I ended up finishing work around 7pm as I started to look at the 1800 words I'd written on my novel idea last night and had sent them through to Lauren to look over.  I'd also googled the average length of a novel and they start around 40000 words upwards so on this maths I could be done and dusted in 22 days...as easy as that!

I made tea as Alan wasn't really very well and he wasn't all that hungry, it was a chicken and pasta bake and I listened to some more "I heart Vegas" we ate watching Peep Show and then I watched Catfish whilst Alan had a bath.

We also had a couple of lollies and I cleaned the kitchen.

I watched a few videos of the awful scenes in Beirut, I'm almost numb because genuinely so much shit has happened this year it is starting to seem completely unreal.

Isolation Journal 71

Alan went to bed much earlier last night and I decided to go to bed before midnight for a change and read a good bit of "Little Fires Everywhere" before falling asleep and I woke up extremely early before my alarm at around 6.30am and so messed around on my phone, read some more and got up not actually feeling that groggy for a change, but feeling full of anxiety.  I made breakfast (yoghurt, lemon curd, granola, granny smith) and coffee.

I was anxious about the pressure to go back into the office as well as a slight mistake I'd made with a candidate - our company requires a level of PI insurance for contractors, they didn't have the amount we'd required and they were unhappy yesterday, but they emailed at 10am to say that they'd been able to increase the level at no extra charge so that went away.  The second one I spoke to my boss about and explained I was concerned about my asthma so was going to wait until September.  She seemed "ok" about it, but I've still had to ask my team to go in a bit in August, although I don't think it's necessarily needed at this point.

At lunch me and Alan went for a quick walk into the village to stretch our legs and then I had a slice of bread, ham and lettuce for lunch with some orange juice.  Today was a 3 coffee day.

I didn't have a hugely productive day, in this way being in the office I love as if I'm a bit anxiety ridden the presence of others brings me away from the relentless cycle of thoughts.  I love being around people, I even went in a week after breaking my shoulder when I couldn't even wear a coat in April and had to walk 20 minutes each way to the train station wearing a bumbag as I couldn't carry my handbag on my shoulder.  I don't have time off sick and I'm really dedicated, so why do I feel so bloody guilty?!

I signed off at around 6.40pm having done a few more calls and get some things sorted.

I cooked dinner and listened to so more "I heart Vegas" and I made pork and feta naan bread pizzas with little gem lettuce salad and we watched a couple of episodes of Peep Show and then had some Haagen Daaz pralines and cream with cream and then after it had gone down...a bit I went for some hill running up and down the drive way after dropping off some fabric to a neighbour who is making masks.

I ran around 4 miles and did one rep up and down hard and one (or more) easier.  My garmin is now telling me that I'm no longer "productive" but I'm "overreaching".  

I forgot mention that I booked onto another Arvon course which looks good on Thursday A SHORT GUIDE TO WRITING EVERYTHING

Isolation Journal 67

Another groggy wake up, I think I'm just going to have to make peace with the fact that I just don't feel like a morning person ever, regardless of how much sleep I get.  I think it wasn't hugely helped by the fact that yesterday was a non exercise day so I'd not showered yesterday and so felt sticky and gross this morning.

I grabbed breakfast and had banana bread, apple and yoghurt and 2 coffees and I got logged on and finished up a few invoices after I'd borrowed Alan's macbook as it displays things so much better than my laptop (I can actually see the "submit" button without adjusting the screen resolution).

We finished well for July, certainly ahead of April, May and June.  I wasn't as productive in the morning although had a key account client update which was useful, but I decided after finishing up the admin for the month end to go out for a run for half an hour at lunch and helped my friend with her CV and how to apply for a job.  I also ordered dinner from our local pub - fish and chips and garden peas.  I watched a bit of the latest briefing from number 10 as the local lockdowns randomly came into place at 9pm yesterday, announced on twitter for "Greater Manchester" and "West Yorkshire" and it very much seems as though you can't go to a friend or family member's house, but it's fine if you want to sit indoors in a pub!  I also saw later today around 8 different office colleagues very close together in a bar on instagram and it just makes me nervous about going back into the office.

I managed to run about 5.7K and was reasonably swift, in just over 30 mins, but my watch keeps telling me that my training is unproductive.  

I had a shower when I got back in and potato waffles and fried and egg and had some sriracha sauce.

The afternoon was more productive, I got more CVs off for jobs and tidied up my emails, I'm still really worried that I've forgotten to do something on Rachel's handover, even though I've worked really hard to try and cover everything.

I finished work at 7pm and had just enough time to put some shoes on and head to pick up our takeway tea from QOTT.  I listened to some of the High Low Pod Cast as I walked and then got in and quickly went to see whether we'd be better eating inside or at the dining room table - I had a quick chat with my neighbour and offered her some of the leftover bedding plants from last week that had died a bit so I watered them in an attempt to bring them back to life and then it started raining heavily with thunder and lightening.  

My watch auction finished at 8pm with a final sale price of £45 to go towards a food back donation.  The guy who won I think will appreciate all the additional stats it can give you.

We ate at the dining room table and I had 3 of my Beer 52 beers that had arrived earlier today (my Harry Potter fabric finally arrived as well) I chose a couple of IPAs and a coffee and coconut stout.  After we'd eaten we played Exploding Kittens and Cat Chaos card games.

We then went out to try and find Maya (Qubit joined in our games) and had no luck, although she eventually came in around 10.30pm.  

We watched some Mock the Week, 8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown and Family Guy.

I managed to finish "It's Not The End Of The World" by Judy Blume last night as well, my reading has come on loads since putting my mind to it and I'm enjoying it.

Isolation Journal 60

I was quite tired when I woke up this morning and I knew that no one else was in today so I didn't have the morning call, but I did have plenty of work to do.  I dropped some fabric off to my neighbour Anna who makes mask for a cat charity and she made a couple for me and Alan and also for my friend Hannah's boys.

I had an interview with a candidate at 10am who is moving to Whitby next year and then the rest of the day was spent on managing offers for candidates and coordinating the 14 jobs.  There was a delivery whilst I was doing the interview and it was a lucky dip of bedding plants from gardening direct.

Alan also looked afte r aguy from Sky who was installing Sky Q, apparently this is better than the other TV that we already had.

I had yoghurt, apple and granola for breakfast and 2 coffees and then at lunchtime around 1.30pm I walked down to the pharmacist to pick up a prescription and popped my mask on and an older lady was ranting about how it had to be the way now in terms of wearing masks (whilst not wearing a mask).  I though to myself "I'm wearing a mask specifically to protect people like you!".  

It was really warm today and nice to walk and get some sunshine.  When I got back I was straight back into lots of work after a super quick lunch of cucumber, tomatoes, smoked cheese, blue cheese, chutney and mortadella and milano I had to prep for sending CVs for the 14 jobs.  I knew that the system was going down at 8pm so needed to be swift and I finally got the 65 CVs across for both me and 2 of my colleagues at 6.30pm and I think there are still some new roless to look at.

I finished work and then went to plant out the bedding plants and ran out of planter space, so I might need to work out what to do with the spare plants.  Before I went to plant the plants we ordered a Chinese takeaway, I had my usual hot and sour soup that I put chips in and then a Thai seafood dish and some salt and pepper crispy squid.  Alan made a delicious lynchberg lemonnade and I also drank the last drop of white wine from the other night.

Again I didn't run because I think I jarred my right leg yesterday and it's really sore.  Garmin still isn't working which is kinda sad as I wanted to see all the stats.  I sat on the sofa and as we watched an episode of Spooks I had the back massage machine on bits of me.  I did a load of washing and hung it out and made plans to see my friend Lauren tomorrow who is over near Preston so I should probably go to bed soon.

Isolation Journal 58

Today should be my day off, but it's our new system day so I had to log onto a training call at 9am.  I got up and dressed made a coffee and prepped a mango which I had with granola and yoghurt and left some mango for Alan.

The training call was ok, but I find training where they just show things moving around on a screen isn't really a way that I learn.  We had other bits and pieces throughout the day to learn and watch, but in truth a lot of my day was taken up with the day job as I'm covering for Rachel on holiday.  

By lunchtime I had a major stress tension headache and today took both paracetamol and ibuprofen, but it didn't really shift.  

After a 48 minute call with a client I managed to come downstairs and make some lunch, Alan chopped up some chorizo and black pudding and I fried with no oil in a pan and added to a chopped little gem lettuce, some chopped heritage tomatoes and then some apple cider vinegar and salt.  We had a slice of olive bread with anchor spreadable and then I had another coffee (3 in total today) and went up to finish more work.

I had a busy afternoon sending out testing for candidates, fielding multiple emails and did some of the training modules towards the end of the day.  I had been supposed to go for a run with a friend after doing some more errands in town, but I set off about 30 minutes later than I'd planned at 5.35pm and then had to turn back as I'd forgotten my keys, but I managed to chat to my parents on the way, I grabbed the keys and carried onto work and parked my car underneath the office building and went up to the flat with the table (again!) and I couldn't even get the keys in the lock after being reassured the old lock had been put back in.  I called the number for a guy who came to sort out the lock who said "20 minutes" and so I went back to my office to collect things from my desk as they are implementing a clear desk policy at work.  I also moved Rachel's things into a drawer and took some stuff home for safe keeping like a picture of her with her Dad.  

I went back to the flat and after waiting for about 20 minutes the guy arrived and changed the lock.  I put the table in the flat and had a look around and then wasn't sure whether to leave both tables or just one as there's not much space.  I left both in the end.  I wore my mask the whole way around being in town both in the office where I saw two of the cleaners I'd not seen for months as well as in the apartment building even though the lock guy was "i don't have it you don't have to wear that".

I cancelled going for a run with my friend Sam even though I probably had enough time, but she didn't call me back, I drove back via Temple Newsam thinking that I could go for a run somewhere different, but there seemed to be a lot of travellers and people around the car park and I felt a bit unsure so drove home and went for a run from my front door again.  Alan called me whilst we were both driving home as he'd been catching up with his old boss in Bradford at Starbucks.  I ran past him driving home in the car.

I ran about 36 minutes and just over 4 miles and I'm still getting used to, but enjoying my new watch.  I listened to more of "How to Stop Time" by Matt Haig and I'm getting towards the end of the book now.

I spoke to my brother who'd rung me just at the end of my run to help him prepare for a promotion interview tomorrow.  He was very hung up thinking about all the other candidates, but I pointed out that it was far better to worry about what he was doing to prepare as that was the only thing that he could controls.

I then came down for tea that Alan had made which was Hello Fresh hot dogs and was nearly 1200 calories!!! I'm glad I'd not eaten loads earlier and had had a decent run.  We watched a couple of episodes of early Peep Show.

I then showered after dinner and started a bath for Alan and came down to finish off my system training which I'm nearly finished up on thankfully.  

I also have just remembered again that it's my youngest nephew Winston's birthday (he's 1) so I need to order a present for him even though I've not actually had a chance to meet him yet.

Isolation Journal 39

Alan had booked to go into work this morning so his alarm went off before mine and I was quite groggy.  He went downstairs and Qubit was in the process of killing a mouse.  I was still groggy and sleepy.  He left around 8.50am and my work phone went off at 9am and it was a client, I grabbed a coffee and took on a new role.  It was a 3 coffee day today and I had cornflakes for breakfast.

I then had a lot of work to do, it's been really busy and I had a video interview an my appraisal.  I'd finished writing my appraisal at around 1am as I am a classic ENFP and leave it always to the last minute.

Alan ended up coming home early as a colleague hadn been annoying and inconsiderate and allowed an engineer into the area he needed to be working, he didn't feel safe and so he came home.  

I then had the dinner for lunch from last night for lunch after Alan got home and put the joint of ham into the slow cooker to cook for dinner with some orange juice, mustard, salt, pepper and onion.

I did the interview and then into my appraisal that went well, it's been a tough 6 months, especially since Covid, but I think my boss is realising that I have been able to manage and develop people in a positive way.  I feel much more confident in my abilities as well as I've helped one of my team really succeed well in a very challenging period of time.  We set some goals and I fefel actually very positive about the next few months.

I then was very busy taking feedback on interview for a role that I've been recruiting since February and I arranged some second interviews for next week.

I finished work late, past 7pm and then I went down and made some wedges and got Alan to help me prep a pineapple and put the ham in the oven.  I logged onto Instagram live to watch my friend Lauren's friend Lorraine do her "Cocktagicom" cocktails and comedy session and my convo around Terry Wogan postcards that my Dad had pulled from a skip at the BBC intrigued her enough to get her to add me to instagram live, it was fun!

I finished off dinner, poured a beer for me and Alan and we turned on Freaks which I wasn't overly impressed by.  There were parts like the pop up book that I liked, but some parts were very repetitve and it wasn't a very surprising conclusion, although perhaps I was multitasking.

We then turned on the Jeffrey Epstein documentary series, he's a seriously scary person, I don't understand how he had the time and ability to do what he did.

Isolation Journal 10

Alan slept in the other room last night because he had a cough, although then didn't cough at all in the night and seems to be fine now thankfully.

I got up and made breakfast and had coffee again - we're a bit short on milk so I went for yoghurt, granny smith apple and granola and it was really nice.  

We had our morning kick off meeting and then I prepped for my meeting with a client at 10am with one of my colleagues and it went well.  We've certainly been a lot busier this week which has been positive.

I then did pilates online with my physio with some really tough core exercises.  I had to move Qubit in the Amazon box out of the way.  

Alan cooked some more of our home grown artichokes for lunch with garlic and I had a carrot chopped into batons and then 2 crisp breads with goats cheese and chutney.  

Back to work and a launch call for a BD competition next week and then more calling and then a team quiz which was good fun even if I was completely rubbish.

Alan kindly cooked dinner - pil pil prawn stir fry with rice and brought it up to me and so I came downstairs to eat it, but remembered that my friend Lauren was having a short story read out on the radio and so tuned in just in time - it was really good!

I then had guides online at 7pm and one of our young leaders lead the session by doing an online dance session - it was tough, but really fun and she was so good!  We had some guides join in that had been reluctant to, it's hard to get them all to be comfortable with seeing themselves online, I wish I could help them feel more comfortable.

I read an interesting post from one of my friends about #blacklivesmatter in how she thought her white friends could help support the movement.  One thing she mentioned was how people should unfriend her if they were bigots and my view is slightly different, I won't allow people who are already in a negative echo chamber to increase their own noise, I think it's important to challenge negative views and also see how they are forming the opinions that I may strongly disagree with.

It rained a lot today, but fortunately by around 8pm it had stopped so I went out for about 30 minutes and did 6K.  I didn't mean to go particularly fast, but it was still less than 8.30 minute miles.

I was a bit covered in mud by the time I came back as I splashed in puddles so I had a bath with a lavender lush bubble bar.

I then logged on to do my isolation blog and my computer did some updates and got stuck, fortunately it saved everything!

Thoughts around mental health during the pandemic

In the week commencing the 9th March this year I was pretty anxious.  I'm usually bubbling up and down with a bit of anxiety about most things, it's how my brain is hardwired and fortunately age and experience helps me manage it so that it doesn't overwhelm me as much these days.  

This week was a bit different though because I had my usual travel anxiety of going away on honeymoon to Barbados (we got married in September 2019, but had decided to do a proper break in March 2020), anxiety of leaving a busy recruitment desk for a week, still some anxiety around politics and Brexit, but then this new anxiety about Coronavirus.  I knew that I wouldn't be alone in this anxiety, so I shared my thoughts in a blog post at work and on LinkedIn as I know from my role as a mental health champion within work and within my running club that the biggest issues people tend to face when they've contacted me for a chat is that they feel like they are the only ones with odd and unsettling feelings going through their head.  Just helping people understand that they are not alone and should not feel ashamed about talking about how they are feeling is important.  

As Friday 13th loomed when we were heading down to Gatwick to stay over the night before our flight, I wasn't sure whether we'd get to the airport to be turned around and go back home.  We had a few bottles of hand sanitiser and I was stocked up on vitamins and soap in my luggage.  The Virgin Atlantic staff advised us that Barbados were increasing their quarantine restriction levels and there was a chance we could be quarantined upon arrival for 14 days "but we're only travelling there for 10 days?" the lady shrugged and whispered "I'd still fly if I was you".

The flight was calm and pleasant, we washed our hands more frequently and used hand sanitiser before eating and when we landed they heat scanned us as we got off the plane and interviewed us for our movements and symptoms before we were allowed through immigration.  The hotel had a fair amount of hand sanitiser everywhere and from the first evening to the next the buffets went from being unstaffed to only being allowed to have your food put on your plate by a member of staff.  It was a surreal experience of being in a tropical paradise, getting grief from my Mum to fly back immediately from a coronavirus free country and constantly checking the Foreign & Commonwealth page for updates.  We moved onto another hotel for the second of our 3 days and on the morning we were due to check out we had a missed call from a Gatwick number and Virgin Holidays cancelled our "holiday" (basically the next 3 night hotel booking) as they'd not realised we were already in Barbados.  Alan also had a nervous couple of hours when we thought the call was from the airport parking as the app for his car showed it as unlocked (we did manage to lock it through the app remotely).  We then tried to call Virgin Atlantic to see what the advice on our flight was on the evening of the 22nd March, couldn't get hold of anyone after 1 hour on hold.  Alan checked with the insurance company who said they'd cover us for a return flight as the FCO guidance had changed to no non-essential travel.  We logged onto BA and the first flight we tried to book as we clicked "pay" bounced back as fully booked.  Fortunately we managed to get onto a second flight that day at a cost of £1400 each.  We took a taxi to the airport and emailed the rep to say we'd not be needing the second 3 night hotel booking and wouldn't be attending the catamaran cruise we'd booked.  Whilst this is in the scheme of things a very small inconvenience, as I type this out it makes me feel really sad as it really hits home that it was the end of an extended "normality" we had come to expect and enjoy. 

In the plane poor Alan at 6"4 was crammed into an economy seat for the 9 hour flight back with his legs twisted to fit in.  We sat next to an elderly lady who had been staying in Barbados with friends for an extended break of several months and was due to fly back on the same day we were, but her daughter had booked her onto an earlier flight out of concern and I shared my hand sanitiser with her as we ate our meals.  The way my anxious brain works is that I still think about this very transient acquaintance and hope that she's still ok.

We landed in Gatwick had no checks other than a self service passport scan and collected our luggage.  We found our way to the carpark and set off home picking up Alan's brother's dog on the way as he was staying with a friend whilst his family were on holiday.  Their holiday was also cut short and they had a more complex return.  The roads were busy and the service stations didn't seem to have clicked that people should be socially distancing. 

Since then it's been almost like we've been in a film.  I went on annual leave and haven't been back into the office ever since.  My smart shoes are under my desk at work, my rice cake snacks are in the drawers going stale and I've not seen any of my colleagues in person for over 2 months.  I've not even driven into Leeds at all, in fact in over 2 months I've driven a total of 25 miles and I sometimes go and look at my car to remind myself that it's still there.

At the moment we hear the phrase "we're all in this together" trotted out, but I reflect on this and think of the other analogy used that "we're all in the same storm, but not in the same boat" and feel that is a more true view of the Covid world.  

When Alan and I decided to move in together and we found a house in a more remote rural location of our lovely village in South Milford I don't think we ever imagined that we'd spend all of our time here and quite so much time with each other.  Fresh back from honeymoon we are fortunate that we both love and like each other and so our lockdown together has been relatively conflict free.  We don't have children and so we are able to focus on our own needs without the challenge of balancing household chores, working from home and home schooling.  Many people I've spoken to have described the guilt to me of deciding whether to focus on work or home schooling and until recently whether to go out for their own exercise to clear their head or take a walk with their family - thankfully this situation has been eased a bit with the updated restrictions.  

We have been fortunate that we can get all the groceries that we've needed via the amazing drive through farm shop near by at Bert’s Barrow, click and collect from Tesco as well as our usual evening meals through Hello Fresh.  We are also in a remote location so at anytime of day I can go for a walk or run and social distancing isn't a problem. I'm incredibly grateful that whilst my work and income has suffered as a result of Covid - 19, I still have a job to occupy my time and an income that covers my outgoings.  For me this is a massive comfort as I don't do well with too much time on my hands or without sufficient distractions.  Most of all I'm incredibly lucky that I've been mostly symptom free and in good health and so far most of my family, friends and acquaintances have been too.  However, sadly I know a few people that I know who have both had Covid and have recovered, but also those who have not been as fortunate.  I think about these people often and have no idea of what I can say to offer comfort in these impossibly physically distant times.   

This week is mental health awareness week with a theme of kindness (a major prompt for me to get some sort of blog out at last) and it's also the week I enter a new decade turning 40 on Tuesday.  During my 40 years I've experienced depression, anxiety, OCD and self esteem issues, 8 weeks into lockdown and a global pandemic I'm doing ok.  Back at the beginning of April I read this article and certainly some of what was written really echoed with me - having a long track record of dealing with mental health challenges I have managed to develop a tool kit of skills and methods to help me keep as even a mood as possible.  In brief these are:

• Regular exercise that has me break a sweat
• Getting some fresh air, daylight and looking at views/nature
• Eating as well as I can - fresh fruit and veg and not too much sugar 
• Avoiding too much caffeine and alcohol
• Getting a decent amount of sleep
• Regular social activity with friends
• Craft / creative outlets (time away from screen)
• Limiting social media / news
• Volunteering - spending time focussing on others 

As soon as we arrived back home I knew that I needed to be quite strict about these and so I've generally been sticking close to this plan each week.  I've not necessarily done all of them perfectly, but doing as many as I can as often as I can as I know that if I don't look after myself it's easy to fall into bad habits and then a subsequent bad mood.

One of the universal struggles that I think everyone has is that the old "rule book" has been suspended.  For those of us with self esteem niggles (indeed even those who have never had any self esteem issues may find the current world more difficult) we might have validated ourselves by competing in races or running with friends and knowing that we can keep up with a certain person or in a particular running group.  At work in my recruitment sales job you'd compete with an external competitor and beat them to a candidate or a job and chalk up a fee on the board, or you'd be used to billing the most in an office, a region or a discipline you could be "better" than others or the "best".  In both of these areas we are the *same* people we were before, we are as skilled or fit as we were before and can put in the same amount of effort, but we are likely to not be experiencing the same outcomes.  Does this mean we are no longer worthy?  Does that mean we are all now bad at our jobs or running?  Have we no longer got what it takes to be successful?

Someone once coined the phrase "form is temporary, class is permanent" and I think that is certainly true now.  Individually we can't control what happens with the global response to this virus, we can't control whether the lockdown remains or is lifted and whether this is the *right* thing to do.  We can look out of the window and get angry with those people we see not socially distancing (for this I found this article a very useful read).  We can get in rows with people on social media.  We can get into a spiral of thinking that makes it impossible to step out of the door for a run or pick up the phone and make a call.  Worst of all we can get stuck in a funk without our friends and colleagues noticing and asking how we are or just being around in a better mood to lift our spirits by osmosis. This is one of the hardest things we are likely to face and we must draw on all the resources we have available to help ourselves get thorough it together.  Whilst we are physically distanced it's important to be socially connected.  

I've never before spent quite so much time staring at my own face (or indeed quite so little time wearing no make- up!) on video calls and it is not the same as personal interaction.  I know from my own personal circadian rhythms that my energy levels in the mornings are lower than the afternoons and evenings, but that meetings in person energise me - unfortunately I don't get the same energy boost from a video call and in fact find these can be more energy draining.  However, it's not about beating myself up for feeling this way as we aren't comparing the same things here, it's about working out how to operate more effectively in this strange world.  It's about trying something different and working out what is best for you.  Here are a few ideas about what has helped me with work.

• As tempting as it is to stumble from bed, into your clothes and in front of the laptop, try and go outside, even if for a few seconds so that you punctuate the start of your day with some natural light and fresh air.
• Every hour get up and walk away from the screen - usually you'd make a coffee, chat to a colleague, meet a candidate or client or at least stare into the distance - avoid eye strain and general stress.  As a plus you can put the dishwasher on, or stroke your pet!
• Try to plan your day so you aren't bouncing from video call to video call - it's exhausting, try and plan some activities in that boost your energy levels.
• Have a decent lunch - again eating outside, getting active or at least getting daylight will help keep your energy levels up.
• Don't let work bleed too much into your evening - if you have something good happening, don't feel guilty about doing a bit of extra work on it, but if your day hasn't been going as well as you'd hoped don't drag it out feeling more and more frustrated.  Finish your day, plan some easier calls for first thing and get a good night of sleep.
• If you have something more admin focussed and are finding it hard to concentrate, listen to some music, I find that it "switches on" different parts of my brain.
• Importantly talk to people.  Usually after that rude or grumpy client call you'd turn to a colleague have a moan and crack on, but instead we can only grumble to the cat who quite frankly probably isn't that bothered!  Don't bottle it up, try and talk regularly to colleagues and your manager about the good and the bad and help support colleagues if you think they are having a tough time.
• And finally - how do you measure success?  This is a tough one as ultimately my job is still to place candidates, even if I have far fewer jobs to work on, I still need to create revenue.  I've been doing my job long enough to know what a good day of work looks like and how it feels so I'm trying not to be too arbitrary around numbers and just putting in a good day of work and reflecting on what the positives have been - a positive call with a new contact, a hint of a new job that might come live - breaking down all of the component parts and doing them as well as I can.  By controlling what I can, when things do improve, I'll be ready to make the most of the situation.

I don't have all the answers, but I do know that whilst we are physically separated, it's more important than ever to share what we are finding hard, what we have found helps and showing each other we are not all alone.  

It's Mental health awareness weak and the theme is kindness so try your best to remember to be kind to yourself and others.