I'm hugely cautious about writing this because I get thoroughly sick of all the self-congratulatory posts that tend to rear their heads at this time of year and it casts my mind back to one of the memes that was circulating at the start of the pandemic"If you don’t come out of this quarantine with either: 1.) a new skill 2.) starting what you’ve been putting off like a new business 3.) more knowledge You didn’t ever lack the time, you lacked the discipline."
Whilst that might sound like an optimistic meme, I found it incredibly judgemental and restrictive. Basically condemning huge groups of people into feeling shit about just surviving the most difficult global event of our time. Those who were homeschooling, those who were in terrible relationships and now couldn't escape an abusive partner, those who lost a job or had a loss of income, those who had never experienced any mental health issues and could be finding just getting out of bed in the morning hugely difficult and of course anyone who was directly affected by covid in terms of a hard recovery or losing people close to them.
If 2020 showed me anything it was that I am incredibly fortunate and have plenty (probably more than I ever realised) to be grateful for and also that whilst some people walked around saying "We're all in the same boat" I was acutely aware that it was an incorrect statement and that we are certainly all in the same storm, but some of us are in luxury cruise ships, some are in houseboats and some might be like Jack and Rose in the wreckage of the Titanic and holding onto a broken bit of wood.
It is also true that you can be incredibly fortunate and still have had a thoroughly awful year. All I want to say is that if you are reading this first of all - thank you, it's nice to have an audience and secondly that means you've survived an incredibly challenging year - well done! As I have said to anyone worrying about gaining weight in lockdown, if you gain weight it means that you have survived a global pandemic. Judging yourself harshly (or indeed others) isn't helpful in usual situations and now is likely to lower your ability to cope and feel positive so cutting yourself and others some slack is pretty important. My biggest achievement in reality I think has been helping to support people around me get through everything 2020 has thrown at us.
So all of that sounds like a bit preachy, but I guess I wanted to say that this is a post about what I managed to achieve in 2020 with my goals that I set for the year I turned 40 before I really knew impact a virus discovered around the other side of the world would have on my life. Importantly this challenge has helped me learn a lot about my psychology and behaviour and how to make positive changes in my life.
When I updated my blog about my challenge in June about half way through I was around 182 things through my target of 400 so the second half of 2020 I had to pick up the pace a bit!
1 - Complete 20 parkruns - So I adapted the rules on this as sadly we didn't get parkrun back yet in the UK and I achieved 10 parkruns before lockdown and then have been completing "not parkruns" and logging them on the parkrun website.
2 - Donate to charity / recycle 20 bags or boxes of stuff - This was probably one of the more challenging ones to achieve as I always find it hard to part with things and anxiety about covid has made my hoarding tendencies rear their head a little, however we did a big double tip run to sort out the garage at the end of the year and I've posted a couple of books to people and used the local facebook group to rehome a few items, but definitely one to try and do again in the new year.
3 - Go to 20 yoga or pilates sessions. - I achieved this by the end of July, thanks to my great online classes with Mayu and David at West Point Practice
4 - Write 20 letters or postcards - I got to this in the end with a few letters written on the last day of the year. I love writing and receiving letters so something I'll definitely carry forward.
5 - Complete at least 20 crafting sessions - either alone or even better with friends - I got to do a few with friends at the start of the year and then my very useful craft advent calendar from The Maker Arcade that Alan got me for Christmas helped get me over the line.
6 - 20 sessions of creative writing / blogging entries - This was one of my challenges that was made much easier as a result of the combination of lockdown and Alan studying for an MBA as I did have a bit more time sat at my computer and have completed 120 blog entries, a number of shorter flash fiction pieces and have also got 40371 words into a novel.
7 - 20 sessions of mindfulness - It took me a while to get started on this, but I got there in the end, I do want to make this more a part of my day and need to start to add it as a habit as with more and more condensed stress sat in one place and having a really busy time at work I need more time to quieten my mind.
8 - Today having a stunning walk around Fairburn Ings RSPB nature reserve I realised this is one thing that makes me really happy and so I want to do at least 20 walks or runs around beautiful nature locations. - I hit this as a result mostly of it being the only way to see friends in person and had a few lovely walks around some new and familiar places.
9 - Leading or backmarking at least 20 run club sessions - Sadly not many of these were in person, I hope to be able to get back to this again soon, but I have shifted the "rules" to make them constructive and counted the coached sessions I developed for the club in lockdown and also the #daylightsavingminds sessions as well.
10 - Volunteer at least 20 times - It would have been good to have mixed this up a bit, but I did successfully manage to do all but 1 guide meeting online since lockdown and I think that the guides got a lot from it (I know that I did)
11 - Meet friends for coffee/lunch/catch ups at least 20 times - Hit this again having to finish off the year doing most of it on zoom, but keeping in touch with people was important.
12 - Read 20 books - At the halfway point I was struggling with this, for years (pretty much since graduating from University where I studied English) I've really struggled with reading for leisure. I don't know if is attention span from too much smart phone usage, tiredness from long days at work or what, but looking back at the book where I've recorded everything I've read since 1994 was sparse at best for the past few years. This year however I read a total of 20 books (I finished the last one today, but I don't care as on the 1st January 2020 I was so hungover I don't count that as the start of the year!). Here's my full list and my favourites were definitely "The Midnight Library", "Girl Woman Other" and "Where the Crawdads Sing". 9 were audio books that I listened to via audible when out running or doing chores 10 were "real" books and one was an ebook. Given that most of these were from June onwards I'm hoping I can keep up this reading pace as I'm really enjoying it.
- I am not your baby mother - Candice Brathwaite (audible)
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a FCK - Mark Manson (audible)
- Uncommon Types - Tom Hanks
- What Alice Forgot - Lianne Moriarty (audible)
- Where the Crawdads Sing - Delia Owens
- How to Stop Time - Matt Haig (audible)
- It's Not the End of the World - Judy Blume
- I Heart Vegas - Lindsey Kelk (audible)
- Little Fires Everywhere - Celeste Ng
- The Midnight Library Matt Haig
- The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami (audible)
- Fabulous - Lucy Hughes Hallett
- I Heart London - Lindsey Kelk (audible)
- Addlands - Tom Bullough
- Girl, Woman, Other - Bernadine Evaristo
- Tom Tit & the Maniacs - Mark Connors
- The Wife - Meg Wolitzer (audible)
- Phone Detox - School of Life
- Notes on a Nervous Planet - Matt Haig (ebook)
- I Heart Christmas - Lindsey Kelk (audible)
13 - Watch 20 new films - I wasn't as structured as recording all the new films that I watched so in the past week I've had to smash through a good few Christmas Films, again I hope in 2021 we can get back to cinema film trips hopefully. I think my favourites were "It's a Wonderful Life" and "1917".
- 1917
- Starter for 10
- Hunger Games
- The Voices
- Hidden Figures
- Arrival
- Catfish
- The Departed
- Silence of the Lambs
- Hannibal
- Athlete A
- Freaks
- Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
- The Kindness of Strangers
- Above Suspicion
- It's a Wonderful Life
- Scrooged
- Bad Santa
- Little Shop of Horrors
- Secret Garden
14 - Spend 20 hours learning something new - I managed to achieve this across a number of short Arvon courses that were 2 hours long, joining a writers group that my friend Lauren is a member of in real life in London who are all now meeting remotely and I did a full Arvon week course and also a day at The Bowery in Leeds which was supposed to be in March, but happened in September eventually with us all wearing facemasks and reading out our writing to each other. The author Mark Connors I thought was really down to earth and made writing very accessible and I bought and enjoyed his book written in the voice of a 10 year old at the time of the Yorkshire Ripper. 15 - Get at least 8 hours sleep 20 times (this is a challenge as my regular 11daytime sleep is only 6.5 hours) - I managed to achieve this only as a result of lockdown and working from home. My Lifecycle app told me that in 2020 my average night of sleep was 7 hours and 27 minutes which is up from 2019 which was 6 hours 53. The issue I've created for myself is that my body clock has shifted later and later, so I definitely need to readjust this to make mornings less challenging - I could maybe even try and get out for a run first thing!
16 - Visit 20 new places (not countries, just different places that I've not been before, whether a restaurant, or a nice place to walk) - luckily I got to go to Riga in Latvia and Barbados before lockdown (even if that trip was abruptly curtailed) it meant that many of my new places were much closer to home, but it just added a different edge to my challenge. Here is my list of places - my favourite was probably Keld in October when we got to use our wedding present glamping voucher. I also loved Hannah Park which is where Alan had sponsored a plot of woodland for my anniversary present.
- Tavassoli's Cafe & Grill
- Press Play
- The Foundary
- Riga - Pullman Hotel
- Riga - bobsleigh
- Riga - KGB Museum
- The Quarry - tapas
- Savannah Beach
- Huntes Garden
- Harrisons Cave
- Barbados nature reserve
- Crystal Cove
- Walton Colliery
- White Coppice
- Skipwith Common
- Runswick Bay
- Hannah Park
- Keld
- Top Withins
- Pompocali
17 - Visit the gym at least 20 times (pretty sure I didn't manage this in 2019) - Online Zumba, Occulus Quest and Ring Fit sessions got me there eventually, but I need to be more disciplined this year as just running is going to get me injured at some point!
18 - Plant 20 "things" whether seed bombs or vegetables. - I got there in the end with a few different strategies and Hayley & Flower donated some pallet collars and so I now have raised beds and grew my own carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, artichokes, herbs, raspberries, strawberries and planted a lot of flowers.
19 - Watch at least 20 live music acts (should be achievable as we are least going to Blue Dot festival again and hopefully might still get tickets to Glastonbury in the resales - fingers crossed!) - I tried, I booked and then had cancelled some socially distanced drive through Gigs to see Dizzie Rascal and the Lighting Seeds - hopefully it will happen this year. My end total was zero.
20 - Get to work without driving at least 20 times (I'll cheat if needed and include working from home!) - Lockdown made this impossible *not* to achieve. I miss elements of commuting, but I definitely don't miss the traffic jams I would regularly get stuck in.
Additional challenges completed:
- Run 1000 miles in 2020 - I was behind on this when we went into lockdown in March, but I soon caught up as it was the main legitimate way to leave the house, I hope my main running buddy gets to join me again at some point and also that I get to do more parkruns, races and team runs again!
- Go 1 whole year not buying any "new" clothes (underwear etc was ok) - not leaving the house obviously helped with this, but in 2020 I bought a new sports bra, a new swimming costume (pre lockdown!), 3 pairs of tights, a second hand coat and a second hand top and one new pair of trainers.
So importantly what have I learned from these challenges? I'm really proud of what I've achieved and whilst it's not a qualification or something you can necessarily put on a CV, it helped me maintain momentum in pursuing projects that in isolate might seem too big to start or make a dent in. Things I've learned about my psychology.
- Don't be Negative - Prior to this challenge, my resolutions would look like this picture below. Very much about restricting something or not doing something, negative in focus. Whilst there's not essentially anything wrong with some of them like "not be late for anything" the minute I was late it would make me give up on pursuing that goal and make me feel like a failure. A lot of them are also not measurable and vague and give no clear start or end point, so inevitably I wouldn't start at all.
- If I want to reduce some negative behaviours, make less space for them by adding in positive things that reduce the space for negatives to inhabit - By tasking myself to read 20 books, catch up with friends 20 times or do craft - it meant that was a lot of time that I couldn't spend "doom scrolling" on social media or other things that are less productive. It also made me plan in good things to do and look forward to rather than dread not being able to do something or having to try and persuade myself to do something "less".
- Flexibility is key! - In the running community there is something that people enjoy called "Run Streaking" where you run at least 1 mile every day for as long as you want to maintain a streak. Part of this appeals to me, but I know that my anxious and addictive personality could fast make this something that would make me fall out of love with running, as it would potentially become a chore rather than something that I looked forward to. Sometimes I don't want to or can't leave the house on a particular day, I know I need to be careful to configure my goals so that I can be flexible to life in general. Instead of targeting myself to run every day or *do* something every day, week or month I've set goals that you can adjust and focus on as life allows. My 1000 mile target was good as I could do something different each week and keep me interested. I could catch up if I fell behind or get ahead if I wanted to. I couldn't "fail" if I had one day when I didn't fancy going out for a run. Equally I could have been strict and said that I had to "read" actual paper books for my 20 books count, but again by using audio books I'm still expanding my reading and being flexible with how I fit it into busy days.
- Make the goals relevant to your passions - I deliberately chose things I'm interested in and I knew would benefit me in some way. I know that if I'm not interested in something it's likely to get bumped down the list of things I have to do (there are several things on my to do list that I've had up as post it notes on my wall for over 6 months!) Don't choose someone else's list as you won't be engaged or interested in completing your challenges!
- Small is beautiful - "How do you eat an elephant? One mouthful at a time." if you want to achieve something bigger, work out a couple of smaller steps that get you closer there. I've always wanted to write a novel, I'm not there yet, but if I'd set myself a goal of "write a novel" in 2020 there is a very good chance I'd have done nothing. Instead by getting myself into writing blog posts, flash fiction, short pieces etc I've now managed to get about 40% through a novel.
So it's a new year, I don't necessarily need to set any goals, but I think I'll genuinely miss my challenges so I'm going to set myself some tomorrow, because after all 1st January is a completely arbitrary number. You can choose to challenge yourself or make changes at any point in the year and it's probably better to not do it when your sleep deprived, hungover and cold!
2020 was mostly out of our control, 2021 will hopefully be better and so I'm going to focus on controlling what I can and celebrating the small things that have helped to keep my mental health on an even keel this year.
And if I get to the end of 2021 achieving nothing on my list...guess what I'll have achieved another year surviving a global pandemic and that's something that I'll be immensely proud of.
