Showing posts with label Hyde Park Harriers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hyde Park Harriers. Show all posts

Monday 10 October 2022

World Mental Health Awareness Day

Today is World Mental Health Awareness day and the theme for 2022 is 'Make mental health and wellbeing for all a global priority' and it's been on my "to do" list to write a blog post about this theme for #RunAndTalk for ages, but I've not necessarily been taking my own advice and making writing, something that is very important to me, a priority. However, before it hits midnight...I will get this post out!

With everything that is going on around the world from the cost of living crisis, the war in Ukraine, climate change and the aftermath of covid there is much to make us think that good mental health is just a "nice to have" on top of our basic needs, but in reality the line between physical and mental good health is not really a line at all as the two are so closely interlinked. I was fortunate enough to be invited to #LIFI2022 (by the lovely Claire Booth who sadly couldn't make it on the evening) and watched a panel discussion chaired by Bryony Gordon speaking to Gail Porter, Luke Ambler (Founder of Andy's Man Club), David Harewood and Sarah Hughes CEO of Centre for Mental Health and the topic was "How do we talk about Mental Health?" The conversation and stories shared were incredibly moving, distressing and laugh out loud funny and at the Q&A I was able to ask my question that was as a Mental Health Champion and leader of #runandtalk I was aware supporting people is sometimes tough for an empathetic person and I believe it's important to put your own airmask on first so you can continue to help others. The panel all had great ways to ensure they retained good mental health including, singing, dancing, walking their dog, getting out into green spaces and down the bed with their kids for a big cuddle. (PS I kinda want Sarah Hughes to run as PM as she's so clear and direct on what needs to change to make the bigger improvements we all need! She made the complete point that without our basic needs being met - food, shelter, warmth - then we can't prioritise mental health and that the government and Labour party must do more!)

Like many things, if you don't prioritise your own mental health and the mental health of those close to you it will potentially reach a crisis point when you have no option to take a step back and make it your priority.

I'm not one of those people that is going to tell you that you can "choose your hard" and that you have choice over how to react to any challenges that life throws at you as sometimes you just won't have the mental resilience to do so.  And as much as I love running and know that the benefits to my mental and physical health through being active is immeasurable, I also recognise that some people can't run or be active in the same way and so instead I what I will say is try as hard as you can to every day take 10 minutes to do something that you know is positive towards your mental health and do that - for me it looks like:

📚 10 minutes of reading as I drink my coffee before heading out to work

🏃🏻‍♀️ Going for a walk/run around somewhere green and within daylight (Really important at this time of year to leave the house/office and see the daylight for a few mintues!)

👩‍❤️‍👨🐈‍⬛🐈 Spending time with my husband and cats

🎨🖌10 minutes of arts/craft/creative writing

🙋🏻‍♀️ Volunteering (as a guide leader or run leader)

I often find that a quick few minutes writing in my diary at the end of the day and a few moments planning a short (and importantly achieveable) to - do list helps me prioritise the things that contribute well to my own mental health.

Last week, I also prioritised my mental health by spending some time chatting to a Burn Out Coach This time last year I took two months off work inbetween jobs for a variety of reasons. Reflecting now I could sense at the time I was overwhelmed, but now I know I was definitely burnt out and my personal resilience levels were very limited from both stressful events in relation to my family who live 5 hours drive away and a particularly unpleasant set of events at work that essentially constituted constructive dismissal and meant I had to resign with no role lined up in advance. 

Ultimately I thought that taking 2 months off work would be all I needed to recover, but the persistent low level migraine headaches returned after I'd stopped taking medication and they are still around to this day despite my work situation improving signficantly. 

From my brief conversation I've identified a couple of key things that I'm now more aware of including the fact that it's very easy to focus on what I've not achieved at the end of the working day, rather than the positives and that I potentially have unrealistic expectations of myself on what I *should* manage to get done. I'm trying to now make a note of at least 6 things each day that I have achieved. I am also not great at delegating work which has potentially held me back from progressing my career in the past and my coach identified that re-framing this view as limiting the potential for those in my team to achieve more if I don't give them opportunties to take on extra work. And then ultimately she identified that I can be someone who is sometimes too willing to take on the problems of others, I am a good listener, and even better problem solver, but I'm really not good at telling someone when I need help myself or that I don't have the resilience to support them and can be a bit like a sponge taking on too much for everyone else. Somehow I must try and learn how to ask for help as it's something that I find almost impossible to do.

Investing in my conversation with a Burnout Coach isn't really that different to speaking to a running coach or hiring a personal trainer, but it's a bit harder to identify some tangible benefits and impact they are having as you can see your performance improve/measure your running times more easily in a physical sense.  When it comes to mental health, it's likely we get to quite a far gone point before we'd seek help and support and much like running, if we get that niggle investigated early on it's less likely to become an ongoing issue causing us chronic pain.

Finally as a Mental Health First Aider I would also encourage anyone who feels as though they are at breaking point to reach out to someone and start a conversation and equally anyone who is worried about someone in their life, maybe today invite them out for a walk/coffee/chat as caring for others can be as good for your mental health as it is for theirs. And please please do check on your most helpful and supportive people in your life...there is a good chance they are the worst people to know how to ask for their own help!

As always there are plenty of resources available on the #RunAndTalk page and please reach out if you need any extra help signposting yourself to the right support, or want to know where to signpost someone else.

Wednesday 20 October 2021

How #runandtalk helps me

Overjoyed after reaching the end of 91 miles of walking Hadrian's Wall path!

I work in recruitment, or rather I did work in recruitment, at the moment I'm having a small break which is giving me much needed time to do a few very important things and one thing I wanted to do was to tell people a bit about it.  

I don't think that my life is especially noteworthy, but the reason I wanted to write this is because I've been a mental health champion both within work, but also within Hyde Park Harriers and the one thing that is clear is that whilst we have numerous days marking "Mental Health" and the conversation is much more open than when I started my career 20 years ago, it's still clear that some people will be going through incredibly challenging times alone and thinking they are the only people feeling that way.  It's important for people to talk, but it's also important for them to be able to listen and realise that they aren't a terrible individual for feeling like they do because actually others feel the same.

The first thing I always say is that is that mental health isn't a competition and this is something really relevant in Covid times as the vast majority of us have had some pretty awful things happen in the past 18 months and if *your* experiences don't feel as worthy as others to be sad or depressed, but you still can't bring yourself to go out for a run, speak to a friend or even brush your hair it doesn't mean you don't have the "right" to feel sad.  Sometimes it's harder to tackle mental ill health when there isn't an obvious cause so the best advice I can give is that if you aren't feeling yourself or you notice that you are avoiding things you used to enjoy doing regularly, please start a conversation with someone whether that's a good friend, family member, a colleague or a professional.  Likewise if you notice someone you know is behaving differently a simple check-in of how they are or inviting them for a walk can make more of a difference than you might imagine.

So back to me.  I've worked within recruitment for 20 years as of the 1st October this year and during that time I've had barely any time off ill, not missing a single day when I had broken my shoulder and was typing one handed for weeks and on very strong pain killers.  Discovering that I have low self esteem in 2017 (which was cleverly disguising itself as my assuming I am a competitive person) I would be likely to be overperforming in work if there was more horrible stuff that I was having to deal with outside of work.  Work was escapism and a place where generally if you worked hard you'd get validation, that you were a worthy person by beating colleagues on monthly sales league tables. I even went into work to sell a retained advertising package for a senior role less than 24 hours after being mugged in the work car park and was most likely mildly concussed after being hit on the back of the head twice.  

Recruitment is always a competitive industry and to a certain extent I thrive in this environment. Certainly in covid times I was always grateful to be working throughout, even if it was flat out at home with the physical boundaries between work and home removed.  I was notching up 50 - 60 hour weeks with nothing to distract me away from the laptop with hundreds of emails and tasks to be done.  I worked for a well established large recruitment firm since 2008 and I led my small team through the  covid crisis and we started to break records.  I was consistently anxious, worried and finding the world a challenging place, but work remained a safe place for me and I knew I get paid at the end of each month.

In January this year there were a few changes and that is the norm in large recruitment businesses.  I had a new boss who I'd not really met or worked with before and we went straight into the 3rd lockdown.  I don't know why exactly, but this new relationship didn't work.  I carried on doing my job and my team continued to perform really well, but in Februrary I noticed I was waking up every morning with a headache.  This wasn't a new thing as I have had this before when I've been under stress and would typically go when the stress dimished, but as time went on in March I was still struggling and even focussing on my laptop screen was a challenge in the morning.  

In March I went to see a fellow HPH for an eye test and all was normal and so I called my GP who was rather unhelpful and suggested it was because I had too much screentime.  I knew that this was unlikely to be the issue as the headaches were very recentl and I was fortunate to be able to use a my health insurance for a private GP appointment who referred me to a neurologist.  In June I had MRI brain scans which were all clear and was diagnosing with chronic low level migraine and prescribed Amitriptyline that acts as a preventative medication taken about an hour before bed.  The challenge many people have is that it can make you very drowsy the following morning and not being a morning person already, it did make the first couple of hours of work very challenging

The headaches were slightly better, but still there and alongside this I had begin to realise after doing a little health, wellbeing and purpose audit as a result of reading Dr Alex George's book - "Live Well Every Day" (and no I've never watched an episode of Love Island!) that change was needed for me in work.  I identified that my key passions and purpose revolve around health and wellbeing, nature and conservation and helping and supporting people.

I started to consider a few different options, but nothing progressed very quickly and things started to get more challenging at work when it was very clear that there were quite deep misunderstandings between myself and my boss.  Running alongside the challenges at work over the summer were a number of family issues with my immediate family who all live 5 - 6 hours drive away.  My Dad was suddenly diagnosed with a silent stroke and Parkinsons and over the space of a week lost mobility to walk without shuffling and use fine motor skills and then two weeks later my brother had some serious issues with his young family as well.  

I take some responsibility for the challenges at work as I'm sure I could have made more proactive efforts to build a better relationship with my new boss, but when I noticed I was being excluded from meetings, I asked for a catch up and it was clear that my longer term aspirations and the company plans for me were totally different.  I proposed some solutions of what I could do that were being considered, but then early September I got back from leave to discover some very major changes had happened, but that no one had told me.  After a discussion with my husband Alan we concluded that I should resign from a job that I had for a long time and had provided me with significant financial and personal security without anything lined up to go to.  

Over my lifetime I've had different strategies to manage my mental health including talking therapy and at one point I was on various anti-depressants for 12 years, but drawing upon past experience. I felt very strongly that how I was feeling this year was my mood responding to a situation and that if I could change the situation my mood would improve without needing to use anti-depressants.  (I would like to re-emphasis that there is nothing wrong with using anti-depressants, but I personally wanted to make sure on this occasion I'd explored other solutions first)

First Tuesday was of course #runandtalk day and I was looking forward to relaunching in-person #runandtalk and whilst I was naturally feeling worried about everything that was going on, I knew that a run with friendly people would make me feel better and it really did.  We ran, jogged and walked around the city centre on a warm evening chatting away and taking time to smell the roses and look at some beautiful landscape photographs outside of the town hall and I knew that whilst I was making a scary change, I had people around who were really supportive and that I'd be ok.

Rolling forward 6 weeks and I'm in a very different place.  I managed to hand everything over at work which was a challenge as I had a lot of pre booked annual leave and so only had 14 working days to finish everything and my last day of employment conincided with me completing the Hadrian's Wall Path walk (91 miles in 7 days)  Spending time being active in nature and beautiful surroundings with Alan was exactly what I needed and guess what - the headaches have more or less disappeared entirely!  I now have something new arranged that I'm looking forward to starting and my anxiety over the years had forced me to save up a bit of a rainy day fund (one "benefit" I suppose of always catastrophising everything from being pre-disposed to anxiety!).  For now I am in a very fortunate position to enjoy resting, focusing on my health, spending time with Alan (cooking him lunch every day!), trying hard to complete writing my novel that I started last year, helping my family and getting ready for a fresh start.  

I've not really talked much about running in this post (and I've done a lot of it this year to help with headaches and my mood), but then much like parkrun for me #runandtalk is more about the talking than the running.  It's about getting out of the house, into the fresh air and moving your body and noticing the world around you whilst being around friendly and supportive people.  You don't even really need to talk, I'm sure there have been people who have come along and said very few words, but go away feeling that they've done something positive with their evening and that can sometimes be far more important than people would imagine.

#runandtalk will mean something different to everyone, but as one of the Mental Health Champions for HPH I want it to be somewhere you can come to be active and social (even if that's not talking, but just being around people).  In our sessions we've talked about everything from our favourite type of biscuit to some more mental health specific topics, but no one is forced to disclose anything they aren't comfortable in doing and it's always good fun.  I share my experiences not for pity or praise, but because I hope to make a difference to that person who doesn't feel like anyone else could begin to understand what they are going through, that might have lost hope and I just want to create a friendly and safe community who will be there on the first Tuesday each month to offer support.  I am fortunate that I love running, I love talking, I love being outside in green spaces and I loving supporting people and so being a #runandtalk mental health champion and even a regular HPH leader helps me enjoy all of these elements and if any of this has resonated with you then please come along to the next #runandtalk session on the 2nd November we'd love to have you there.  If you're interested in becoming a Mental Health Champion you don't need any specific qualifications, just ideally lived experience of mental health either personally or through supporting someone else and willingness to give it a go - get in touch if you want any more details or have any questions.

In the meantime, I sincerely hope everyone is doing ok, but if you are struggling, please reach out to someone or if you don't feel you have anyone to talk to - here are some helpful contacts:

  • SANEline. If you're experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm–10.30pm every day).
  • Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM). You can call the CALM on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight every day) if you are struggling and need to talk. Or if you prefer not to speak on the phone, you could try the CALM webchat service.
  • Papyrus HOPELINEUK. If you're under 35 and struggling with suicidal feelings, or concerned about a young person who might be struggling, you can call Papyrus HOPELINEUK on 0800 068 4141 (weekdays 10am-10pm, weekends 2pm-10pm and bank holidays 2pm–10pm), email pat@papyrus-uk.org or text 07786 209 697.
  • Nightline. If you're a student, you can look on the Nightline website to see if your university or college offers a night-time listening service. Nightline phone operators are all students too.
  • Switchboard. If you identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, you can call Switchboard on 0300 330 0630 (10am–10pm every day), email chris@switchboard.lgbt or use their webchat service. Phone operators all identify as LGBT+.
  • Helplines Partnership. For more options, visit the Helplines Partnership website for a directory of UK helplines. Mind's Infoline can also help you find services that can support you. If you're outside the UK, the Befrienders Worldwide website has a tool to search by country for emotional support helplines around the world.

Wednesday 2 September 2020

Not so Isolation Journal 99

I woke up this morning before my alarm to a horrible bad dream, someone was attempting suicide in a most horribly graphic way, it was like something out of a film, but not a film that I've ever seen.

I then got up with my alarm at 6.50am and quietly went downstairs, emptied the and refilled the dishwasher, collected up all my food for the day and drank a coffee, ate some cornflakes and fed the cats (letting them out the back door as they were confused by me being up so early).  I then made another coffee and put it in a mug to take on the journey and put make up on and got dressed - I'd laid out my clothes the night before to make it less stressful this morning.

Alan was confused as I'd planned to get to the office for 8.30am and so I planned to leave at 7.30 and ended up leaving about 7.50am as I dropped my eyebrow shadow on the floor and had to clear it up as it was all black and manky.  The traffic was super quiet and so I ended up getting in for 8.20am and it was really quiet in the car park as well.

I put my mask on and walked across to the office carrying my run club stuff as well as my hand bag, Alan's Macbook and Rachel's bag of stuff that I'd been looking after for her.

The office smelt really clean and it did seem quite spacious, but it was weird walking back in and not chatting in close proximity to everyone.

We logged on and started to fire up the new Salesforce system and had a kick off call as normal and then I cracked on with trying to work out how to use the new system.  I had a new job to match as well as CVs to send (the system wouldn't let me do this) and I think it will be good, but will take me a while to get back to the normal speed of doing things.

At lunch the team went out for a meal, but I'd brought my wild rice and black bean salad so I ate that instead with left over cucumber salad and Nic was too busy as well so we went out for a walk at lunch.  I wore my mask to go to the bathroom and the rest of the time I was at my desk.  The one thing that threw me was when my boss threw my mobile at me to answer which I was super uncomfortable doing.  I held it at a distance and then sanitised my hands.

Today was definitely more productive that it has been, even though I was cross at the system and constantly on the phone to work out what to do.

I finished my last call at around 7pm and then went to get changed into my run kit and drove over to Woodhouse Moor for run club at 7.30pm.  I was nearly late and had to run fast across to meet at the end of parkrun (Queen Victoria Statute) and it was really nice that I knew everyone in the group - Zeni leading, Clare E, Lizzie and Emily.  We had a lovely chatty run and some effort on my intervals and my "peaking" on garmin went down to "recovery"  I ran around 6K in about 35 minutes including running back to my car at the end and I drove home which took around 40 minutes in total.

I called Alan on the way and then spoke to my parents briefly and got in and put on a load of washing and had a shower whilst Alan finished off the Hello Fresh for tea which was Pork burgers with wedges and coleslaw.

We watched an episode of Spooks and he went up for a bath and had been for a run earlier.  I then I tidied the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher and made banana bread which finished cooking at midnight and turned out terribly, the edges were burnt and the insides uncooked and fell out.  I'm a total idiot and should leave these baking things to Alan sometimes!

Monday 29 April 2019

"Reader, I asked him" - how parkrun lead me to change my mind about wanting to get married again


On Saturday I got engaged to my partner Alan.  It was a really special occasion and I wanted to write about how it came to pass, how it went and how we both felt afterwards.


I have been married before. I was with my ex for nearly 12 years and married for around 4 years.  If I had been wiser and braver I might have made some different choices about that relationship, but it eventually ended when both of us were extremely unhappy and with very poor mental health. 
 


Having been in a relationship since I was 20, I found myself in 2013 as a newly single woman in her early 30s feeling   clueless about "dating".  I decided to do some research and I read some books about dating including "The Rules" by  Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt.  They made me feel even less equipped to enter the world of "dating" not least the complicated world of "online dating".  In the most basic distillation of the advice I took from these books it was basically "as a woman never make the first move (don't even look at a man first!)" and that if someone isn't bothered, they're not bothered and don't waste your energy chasing it (which I guess does make some sense.)


In the following couple of years I went on quite a few dates that would probably serve as a humorous book if I were to write them all down from the guy who lied about his name, age (by 10 years) and having a job and then asked to borrow money from me through to the guy who started too go cold on me (He just clearly wasn't that into me!) and so when he explained why and told me it was because "he would have killed for a garden like mine and would never have let it turn into an overgrown nature reserve" I came to the realisation that online dating in particular is just a bit badly thought out and wasn't really going to find me the sort of person I wanted to be spending my life with.  


Compare online dating to online shopping - you have a list of criteria you are looking for say to book a holiday and you can search for all those elements and see what other people thought of a particular hotel and provider, there are reviews of the service to validate what you are buying.  You can make a considered purchase and worst case scenario - most of the time you can take it back for a refund or buy another one if the reality doesn't match up to expectations.   Not so with dating, the nearest you can get to a "review" is on the "My Single Friend" site which has friends recommend their "single friend" which is obviously slightly biased  You have to take a leap of faith and meet someone who you likely wouldn't bump into in real life.  This situation also affords them the opportunity to behave terribly with no consequences from the community around them. 
 


Then we come to the perception of infinite choice - if you think meeting a perfect match online is simply finding someone who ticks all of your "wish list" then you'll most likely be looking forever because for every "must like dogs" and "must look like Brad Pitt" you can tick off, you'll never have thought about the unique things that make us all human like "must have those cute tiny creases around their eyes when they smile so it looks like their eyes are twinkly" and those "must have big hands that annoyingly spill stuff everywhere when they cook"...but you don't mind because you love all of them (yes I'm talking about Alan!).  


In August 2015 I deleted all my dating apps because it wasn't good for my mental health to be continually comparing people on superficial qualities and it wasn't good for me to be constantly compared either.  I also read another dating book "Get the Guy" by Matthew Hussey and it gave me a slightly different perspective on things which was "don't obsess over trying to meet *the one* instead just enjoy meeting different new people.  People who can introduce you to other people and will allow you the chance to develop feelings more naturally over time rather than in a pressurised face to face over a coffee.  I also went to see a palm reader on a trip to India and whilst I didn't (and don't!) believe in the truth in what they say, he did something interesting and told me I would meet my next partner between 19/08/16 and 19/09/17 and so it made me think "why am I trying to force this, is it so bad if actually I stop putting pressure on myself and know I might not meet someone immediately?"


When I got back home after my trip, I went running with my friend from Hyde Park Harriers - Sam Scarlett who mentioned to me that she thought I would get on well with her friend Alan who she'd met at parkrun and I'm guessing had a similar conversation with him as shortly afterwards I had a Facebook friend request from him.  I accepted and when I was putting a shout out to try and find someone to keep me company on a 20 mile training run he offered instead to meet me after parkrun for around 15 miles as he was travelling to New York on the Sunday and wanted to get in his marathon training miles before the Yorkshire marathon.  We agreed to meet up and go for a run together after parkrun.


(I must confess at this point that I had actually seen Alan's profile on one of the online dating sites, but despite thinking he looked lovely, I had moved past it as I was so weary with online dating and also I think I was too old for his age criteria at that point!).


I am so glad that I got a second chance to meet Alan!  So thankful for parkrun!

We first met after a fast 5K parkrun at Woodhouse Moor parkrun.  parkrun has been life changing for me in many ways, I first started running back in 2004 when I entered a "Race for Life" event to raise money for Cancer Research and it was amazingly beneficial to both my mental and physical health.  I moved up to a 10K in 2007, a half marathon in 2008 and then a marathon in 2010, but I only discovered parkrun in 2014 after my friend Gemma invited me to her birthday parkrun.  About 6 months before I'd been mugged and my marathon training had ended up being solely on treadmills as I had no confidence to run outside by myself anymore.  I realised that this friendly place called parkrun (which was also free!) meant that at least I could run outside once a week and not feel scared.


Alan walked over to me at the finish after I'd had my barcode scanned and we will have both been sweaty on a very warm September morning.  We set off in my car to Eccup Reservoir and did a couple of laps chatting all the way around.  At one point I had to stop for a pit stop in a bush which is probably not a conventional thing to do on a first date and certainly against "The Rules"!  We called it a day after 12 miles as it was so warm and drove back to Alan's car and went our separate ways (despite me dropping many hints about going out for lunch!) After getting a shower I was really pleased to have a message from Alan inviting me to the cinema that evening and we watched "Legend" at the Everyman and ate pizza.  Alan even picked me up from my house and dropped me home afterwards which was lovely and we had our first kiss in my dining room in front of snuffly Marla cat.


Alan flew to New York the next day and we messaged and face timed a lot in the week he was away and had our second date at Kendall's on the day he arrived back to the UK.  Over the first few weeks we barely spent any time apart and visited Antwerp and the Yorkshire Dales together.  I knew that Alan must like me a bit when a day after his Yorkshire Marathon where he smashed 35 minutes off his PB he signed up to run the White Rose Ultramarathon with me (and Sam Scarlett) 2 weeks later.   On our first glamping trip to Swinton Bivouac the topic of marriage came up and I said that for me I didn't want to do it again as it wasn't that it felt like something that I needed to do and was very expensive.  Alan seemed disappointed and said that for that reason he'd not ask me as I'd made it clear I didn't want to be married again.  


3 1/2 years on and we are very happy living together in a house we bought together in December 2016 with two lovely cats and for all purposes live as if we are married.  So you might think - what changed? 


In March this year I saw one of my friends from my teenage years, Will, marry Sara. Sara had also been married before and I got the impression may have felt like me about doing it all over again, but seeing her and Will look so happy on their wedding day that was all about them, their relationship and how they wanted the day to be that it started me thinking "Am I just being stubborn?"  Sara even made a speech and made the point that it would encourage more women to be more equal in the marriage process and that got me thinking a bit more.  


As I was driving back home with Alan sat next to me, I realised I had changed my mind, whilst I didn't think getting married would make our relationship any different, being with Alan makes me feel safe and happy and I thought it would be lovely to celebrate this with our friends and family and also to give us both the chance to have a wedding and a marriage together.  It wasn't something I felt I "should" do, but it felt like I might regret not doing it if we didn't.   He had said he'd never ask me though and I thought to myself "what's holding me back from asking him?" and I realised that the only thing holding me back was that women don't generally ask men.  As a guide leader and ex-Women's Institute president, I'm also very keen at ensuring that as a woman we continue to move towards equality and that one area we are terribly unequal is in relationships and in particular proposing marriage, but with anything unless people are willing to stand up and be one of the first to do it, people won't feel confident to try too.  


I knew that if there was only one place that would be right to ask him, it had to be parkrun.  I was still driving back from the wedding and got so emotional thinking about it that tears were running down my face and Alan was trying to ask me "what's wrong?" and I couldn't really explain.


Alan is extremely good at guessing anything I'm up to try and surprise him, but it occurred to me that this year his birthday fell on parkrunday (known to others as Saturday).  By using his birthday as a decoy I could invite family and friends to come to parkrun with the excuse of "It's your birthday!" and then ask him if he wanted to get married.  I told him I was going to organise a special birthday parkrun "but it's only my 37th birthday, it's not a special birthday!?!" he said, but didn't seem to get too suspicious.


To make sure I wasn't going completely crazy, I sense checked my plans with my friend Hannah who thought if I wanted to do it and was happy and loved him then I should ask him and offered to come and help me on the day in any way needed.


I then looked at the volunteer rota and saw that it was Anne Akers the event director (who we know well) who was down to be the run director on the day of Woodhouse Moor parkrun where I first met Alan.  I contacted her directly as I wanted to keep it as secret as possible to avoid any chance of it slipping out before the day!  She was delighted with my idea and I promised to make sure that my plans wouldn't interfere with the normal business of parkrun.


I had a few ideas of how I could ask Alan.  I have seen stories where some people have proposed at the run briefing before the runners set off, but I know Alan is not always keen on being a big centre of attention and also would probably not want to actually run after such a life event!  Anne's husband Noel suggested I could reveal a message per lap of the 3 lap course, which I think would be great, but knowing how curious Alan is there would be another risk he'd not complete parkrun (and I couldn't be responsible for that!!)  In the end the idea that I settled on was to volunteer on "unscannables" which means I'd manually write down any unscannable barcodes at the end of the run.  I would task the scanners to mysteriously not scan Alan's barcode and then I'd have to write down his barcode and could ask the question.  Anne liked the idea and I was happy as it wouldn't have too big an audience, wouldn't interfere with normal parkrun business and would also be metres away from where I first met Alan.


I wanted to make the occasion as special as possible and also knowing how emotional and tearful the idea was making me, I came up with an idea to help me out on the day if nerves kicked in.  I planned to make a video with some of our memories of our time together like the strava track of our first parkrun and run together, a screenshot of the first messages we exchanged and some holiday and running photos.  At the end it would have some words written down about how I'd changed my mind about wanting to get married.  I first used the 1 Second Everyday app, but it was just too quick!  I didn't want the last few slides to not be readable (Hannah confirmed my fears!)  I then ran the 1 Second Everyday photo and video montage through another video editing app to slow it down, but it made the bits with speech sound weird.  I then remembered that I'd gone to the Apple store with my Guides last year and they'd made videos with music about what they enjoyed about being a Guide using the Clips app on the Iphone.  This was perfect as it allowed me to make text slides, add music and add speech bubbles to what the cats were thinking!


The video took me ages... my Iphone screentime report was huge for 3 weeks!  I also in-between ran Manchester Marathon and had a pretty terrible time running.  I had to walk the last 12K including running past somewhere playing "One day like this" by Elbow which made me burst into tears and felt like the perfect song to put the video to.  Finally I had a roughly 4 minute video that right at the end finished with slides telling him that I'd changed my mind about not wanting to get married again and ending with the word "so" leaving me the small matter to turn to Alan and ask him to marry me.


I was still really nervous about all my preparations - I'd asked Alan's brother Dom to come to his birthday parkrun and ideally wanted to tell him in person about my plans, but we'd not managed to meet up beforehand.  I messaged him to let him know and he said he'd be there with Alan's niece and nephew and he even brought Winston the dog with him on the day!  I said I was scared he wouldn't say yes, but he said he didn't think I needed to worry and thatwe were as "thick as thieves".  I also met Sam Scarlett who had introduced us in the first place and showed her the video and asked if she would be around on the day to run with Alan if needed - she was delighted and her reaction to the video was what I'd hoped for and gave me some confidence that it would land well with Alan - even though it ended up being about 4 minutes!


I'd also got my cousin Jenny to come on the day as well as Alan's colleague Danielle (who I didn't tell in advance as that would be a potentially tough secret to keep at work!)


I kept saying to Alan how excited I was for his birthday parkrun - I could hardly contain myself!  I think he was a bit baffled by it all, but didn't suspect anything other than perhaps a surprise picnic!  I'd ordered him a new parkrun wristband for his birthday as well as a leather bracelet with a silver engraved section with our two parkrun numbers and the date we met on it (although stupidly in my excitement I managed to put my birthday of the year we met by mistake - doh!!!)

The night before I'd bought some birthday tiffin for him and put the bottle of champagne I won a few years back in a bag and then struggled hard to fall asleep.  I woke up early to give him his main birthday present and make some hot cross buns, orange juice and coffee for breakfast and we made our way to parkrun.  The night before he said "I don't understand why you're volunteering" and I said it was because Hannah was coming and might need some help keeping an eye on energetic James!  Alan also kindly ran with Alex who is only 9 and so needed to be in arms reach of a responsible adult!


We arrived at parkrun and I carried over my bags of provisions and my cousins Christmas presents from my parents (yes I know we've just not managed to catch up for ages!).  "why are there cups in your bag?" asked Alan "My cousin is having a BBQ later and needs to borrow them" and he didn't ask anything further thankfully!


I grabbed my hi-vis vest and a clipboard and pen, said hello to lots of people who were wishing Alan a happy birthday.  Anne Akers cheered him up by pointing out that 37 is a prime number.  Hannah met us with a very excitable James and Alex and then we all walked over to the start.


It was such a beautiful morning, sunny with a completely blue sky and the runners set off on their run after Anne had given Alan a birthday shout out, I'd told the scanners I had some special instructions for them and when the run had started I told them what I'd got planned and showed them a photo of Alan so they knew not to scan his barcode when he got to the finish.
As we walked back to the finishing funnel I realised that Alan's brother Dom had arrived with Ada on his shoulders, Wren in the buggy and Winston on the lead and I spotted my cousin Jenny had arrived too.  After cheering the runners past 2 laps I took up my position at the end of the finish funnel with Hannah and James ready to take the clipboard from me when Alan arrived, writing down at least a page and half of unscannables in the process.


With the help of Danielle, Alan managed to pace Alex around to shave 10 minutes his parkrun pb finishing in just under 35 minutes and headed straight over to me bypassing the scanners because he could tell that Alex had an issue with his barcode.  I handed the clipboard to Hannah and said that I had a special video to play Alan "I'll watch it later, I need to get my barcode scanned first" he said, but I insisted and played him the video putting my arm around him as he lent over me and dripped sweat onto my head.  



The video played and James was keen to look too until his attention span flicked onto something else and Anne took up a position ready to snap a photo and a small audience gathered behind us as the video played.  It was hard to not comment on anything or hurry it along and as we watched it play on my phone my legs had started to shake with nerves.  The last few slides played and then I turned to Alan and quietly said "will you marry me" and he took my face in his hands with a tear in his eye (it wasn't just sweat!) and said "of course I'll marry you" and we had a kiss and a hug and turned around to an audience who said "Well?!?!" to which Alan declared "I said yes!" and everyone cheered and congratulated us.

We walked back over to the start to pick up our stuff and I opened up the bottle of champagne and shared it with people and Danielle shared her amazing baked goods of Easter Rocky Road, cheese straws and sausage rolls and we all had a great time chatting and smiled an awful lot.  I'd given Alan the bracelet and he had put it straight on and then after a few second glances, he realised I'd managed to mess up the date.  

After some time had passed and we'd drank some champagne, we walked over towards the parkrun cafe - Opposite and realised we should probably tell our parents about our news before it got out over Facebook!  I rang my Mum and Dad and told them and Alan Skyped his mum and they were all very pleased.  We walked across to get coffee and were glad we'd made the call then as we spotted the lovely photo that Anne had taken off us shared on the Woodhouse Moor parkrun facebook page and quickly got a lot of likes (It's a great photo - thanks Anne!)


We were slightly overwhelmed by all the well wishers and I've not yet managed to respond to all the lovely messages yet, but I will!  We'd arranged to go to our local pub, 
The Queen o' t' owd Thatch, for dinner anyway and were delighted that when we arrived my friend Lauren had bought us a bottle of fizz to go with our meal and also they decorated our plate with congratulations for our dessert.  




Both the  Yorkshire Evening Post and the BBC got in touch as a result of the response to the photo Anne had shared to Facebook and it seems that a lot of people enjoyed reading about our story and a few people commented on the posts "I wish this could happen to me!" or "I wish I could meet someone at parkrun!"  Both myself and Alan would definitely say - you can, but I think embracing the whole of parkrun will make it more likely.  Run, walk or jog parkrun and chat to people (or even just smile at people if you are shy) as you go around, volunteer and get to know the core team and importantly (one of the best bits!) go to the coffee shop and get to be a part of the wider parkrun community.  In the dating book that I liked..."Get the Guy", it said that if you want to meet *the one* don't just focus on meeting that *one* person, but instead focus on broadening your network and meeting lots of people, ideally doing something that you love (it doesn't have to be running!).  parkrun provided a great opportunity to not only improve my health and meet lots of lovely new friends, it ultimately introduced me to my future husband. parkrun has genuinely changed my life for the better in so many ways.  And now we are planning our wedding for September!


I love parkrun and parkrun helped me to find love. 

#loveparkrun

Sunday 8 October 2017

Yorkshire Marathon 2017

Today was tough, and running a marathon is tough, so it should be tough.  



Over the last few weeks my training has been reasonable - 22 - 23 mile sightseeing run in New York (ok not at pace, but lots of time on the legs) walking the National 3 Peaks last weekend and generally working hard to stay injury free.  I managed a half marathon pb in September, so hoping for a pb today wasn't unrealistic.

This morning the prep had been decent - volunteered at parkrun yesterday to save my legs, good night of sleep, loads of carbs and my ultimate running fuel breakfast of porridge with cashew nut butter and golden syrup.  I did have a cold lingering, but this morning that seemed much better and so I ambitiously plugged a target time of 3 hours 40 to push me to knock off 7 minutes from last year and allow me to achieve Good for Age (3 hours 45) for the future.

We drove to the park and run (well park, ride and run!) and got to the race village in great time.  I had my first toilet stop, left my stuff at baggage drop and walked up to the start area with Alan in our ready to dispose tshirts.  The conditions were great - cool, overcast and not raining!  We made another toilet break about 40 minutes before the start gun and got in our pen - this was my first error.  I always need less time between my last toilet break the start gun and I ended up rushing to the vacant toilet I spotted at mile 5 which cost me about a minute.

Alan and I had discussed what times we would be aiming for and I was going to try for 5 minute 13 second KM average, with faster at the start - around 5 minute KMs and he was going to start off at 5 minute KMs and get faster.  My second error in this race was the temptation to run with the 3 hour 30 pacer who was also a bit fast setting off - I hung on for around 5KM and then both Alan and the pacer disappeared into the horizon.  At this point I felt fine, but I could see my heart rate was a bit high (Alan has had his lactate threshold determined at 157 BPM and we're guessing mine is similar and at this point I was 159, so decided to slow down) I slowed down and comfortably knocked out the miles appreciating the support including pompoms from Tobias (nothing like peer pressure to purchase pompoms!) and the loud HPH collection at mile 5.  My garmin tantalising kept telling me a predicted finish time of 3 hours 23 and I went through 5k at 24 minutes, 10K at 49, 10 miles at 1.22 and half marathon at 1.52.

I made my dash for the toilet when I spotted a green vacant slot on a portaloo and it was about 9 miles into the "harder" bit of the course when it's just country lanes with more sparse support when my right knee started to throb.  My knee has been fine throughout training after my earlier hamstring injury and periformis niggles on my right hand side it was a surprise pain.  I slowed and stretched out, but it continued to hurt.  I then noticed the arch on my right foot was starting to blister so I asked to borrow a marshall's chair and put on a compeed, which didn't really help, because it only stopped half of the arch blistering!

I'm used to marathon's hurting, but usually at meltdown mile 19 - at mile 9 I knew I still had 17 miles to get through and seriously considered pulling out.  I have an unblemished record of always finishing races though and pride/stubborness forced me on.   I limped on (my garmin verifies the limping with my left right balance at a pretty unbalanced 51.5% - 48.5%) and hit the mentally challenging 15 - 19 mile out and back section.  It's great to run past fellow runners and cheer them on, but this only lasts for a few seconds.  I was grateful that Ann and Noel had set up camp in the same motivational spot and cheered me on twice and helped me smile enough for a decent photo at least.  Scott was also a bit further up with a smile and jelly babies that kept me going.  I also spotted Alan and counted the time between us and figured he was on for a good time of at least 20 minutes in front of me.  By the time I got to mile 19 I figured I could walk it to the end if necessary, even if poor Alan would be waiting for me!



The last 7 miles seem a bit of a blur...my garmin estimated a finish time of 4 hours 7 - the Lucy of last year would have been delighted with this time, but knowing the course and what I achieved last year I couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed.   A few similar looking villages with lovely support and more and more country lanes and the sun coming out.  I walk-ran it with my km times flashing up on my garmin at 6.43 and even 8.21 at one point.  Julia caught up to me at one point and said she was aiming for under 4 hours, my garmin had me on track for 4.04 and I knew I'd started in front of her so wished her good luck and she disappeared into the distance. I loved seeing a huge gaggle of HPHs at mile 21 (in fact I definitely heard them all before I saw them!) and grabbed some jelly babies off Caroline after much fumbling and declaring "it's ok I'm not in a hurry!"  People were encouraging each other along with a mix of runners, limpers and walkers and my garmin told me I had less than 2km to go - I could do this!

I then spotted the hill right at the end, it seemed like a mountain, but I made it up - Dan told me I wasn't allowed to walk past him, so I just about started to manage running again.

As the finish line came into sight I started to feel quite emotional - Sam took these photos of me when I wasn't noticing and it sums up my emotions quite well - holding back tears and in a fair bit of pain.




I could see the finish though so I smiled for the cameras and picked up the pace knowing it would soon be over!  Hannah Marshall got a few pics of me looking a bit more triumphant.




As I crossed the finish line my emotions got the better of me, but holding back tears made me start shallow breathing and I had to grab my asthma inhaler and make an effort to calm myself down.  I bumped into Julia who had made it under 4 hours with 7 seconds to spare - I was delighted for her!  I found Alan who had also had a hard run with his hip going seconds after I passed him looking strong at mile 19 (bloody mile 19!) and had finished in 3 hours 52.  We then saw Tilly who had completed her first marathon in an amazing 4 hours 4 - I have a feeling it won't be her last marathon!

I'm now sitting with a Qubit sat on my feet and an ice pack on my knee (thanks for the recommendation Nicola) and about to go to bed (I'm never in bed before 10pm!) and if you asked me would I sign up for another marathon...I might have said no, but somehow I've already answered my own question and I'm doing Liverpool Rock & Roll Marathon in May - the day after my birthday!  I think I'll make a note of these lessons for next time and try and pay attention to my pace earlier on and definitely definitely build in more leg strength training.  

Thanks and well done to everyone today - running just has an amazing way of bringing out the best in us all.