World Mental Health Awareness Day

Today is World Mental Health Awareness day and the theme for 2022 is 'Make mental health and wellbeing for all a global priority' and it's been on my "to do" list to write a blog post about this theme for #RunAndTalk for ages, but I've not necessarily been taking my own advice and making writing, something that is very important to me, a priority. However, before it hits midnight...I will get this post out!

With everything that is going on around the world from the cost of living crisis, the war in Ukraine, climate change and the aftermath of covid there is much to make us think that good mental health is just a "nice to have" on top of our basic needs, but in reality the line between physical and mental good health is not really a line at all as the two are so closely interlinked. I was fortunate enough to be invited to #LIFI2022 (by the lovely Claire Booth who sadly couldn't make it on the evening) and watched a panel discussion chaired by Bryony Gordon speaking to Gail Porter, Luke Ambler (Founder of Andy's Man Club), David Harewood and Sarah Hughes CEO of Centre for Mental Health and the topic was "How do we talk about Mental Health?" The conversation and stories shared were incredibly moving, distressing and laugh out loud funny and at the Q&A I was able to ask my question that was as a Mental Health Champion and leader of #runandtalk I was aware supporting people is sometimes tough for an empathetic person and I believe it's important to put your own airmask on first so you can continue to help others. The panel all had great ways to ensure they retained good mental health including, singing, dancing, walking their dog, getting out into green spaces and down the bed with their kids for a big cuddle. (PS I kinda want Sarah Hughes to run as PM as she's so clear and direct on what needs to change to make the bigger improvements we all need! She made the complete point that without our basic needs being met - food, shelter, warmth - then we can't prioritise mental health and that the government and Labour party must do more!)

Like many things, if you don't prioritise your own mental health and the mental health of those close to you it will potentially reach a crisis point when you have no option to take a step back and make it your priority.

I'm not one of those people that is going to tell you that you can "choose your hard" and that you have choice over how to react to any challenges that life throws at you as sometimes you just won't have the mental resilience to do so.  And as much as I love running and know that the benefits to my mental and physical health through being active is immeasurable, I also recognise that some people can't run or be active in the same way and so instead I what I will say is try as hard as you can to every day take 10 minutes to do something that you know is positive towards your mental health and do that - for me it looks like:

📚 10 minutes of reading as I drink my coffee before heading out to work

🏃🏻‍♀️ Going for a walk/run around somewhere green and within daylight (Really important at this time of year to leave the house/office and see the daylight for a few mintues!)

👩‍❤️‍👨🐈‍⬛🐈 Spending time with my husband and cats

🎨🖌10 minutes of arts/craft/creative writing

🙋🏻‍♀️ Volunteering (as a guide leader or run leader)

I often find that a quick few minutes writing in my diary at the end of the day and a few moments planning a short (and importantly achieveable) to - do list helps me prioritise the things that contribute well to my own mental health.

Last week, I also prioritised my mental health by spending some time chatting to a Burn Out Coach This time last year I took two months off work inbetween jobs for a variety of reasons. Reflecting now I could sense at the time I was overwhelmed, but now I know I was definitely burnt out and my personal resilience levels were very limited from both stressful events in relation to my family who live 5 hours drive away and a particularly unpleasant set of events at work that essentially constituted constructive dismissal and meant I had to resign with no role lined up in advance. 

Ultimately I thought that taking 2 months off work would be all I needed to recover, but the persistent low level migraine headaches returned after I'd stopped taking medication and they are still around to this day despite my work situation improving signficantly. 

From my brief conversation I've identified a couple of key things that I'm now more aware of including the fact that it's very easy to focus on what I've not achieved at the end of the working day, rather than the positives and that I potentially have unrealistic expectations of myself on what I *should* manage to get done. I'm trying to now make a note of at least 6 things each day that I have achieved. I am also not great at delegating work which has potentially held me back from progressing my career in the past and my coach identified that re-framing this view as limiting the potential for those in my team to achieve more if I don't give them opportunties to take on extra work. And then ultimately she identified that I can be someone who is sometimes too willing to take on the problems of others, I am a good listener, and even better problem solver, but I'm really not good at telling someone when I need help myself or that I don't have the resilience to support them and can be a bit like a sponge taking on too much for everyone else. Somehow I must try and learn how to ask for help as it's something that I find almost impossible to do.

Investing in my conversation with a Burnout Coach isn't really that different to speaking to a running coach or hiring a personal trainer, but it's a bit harder to identify some tangible benefits and impact they are having as you can see your performance improve/measure your running times more easily in a physical sense.  When it comes to mental health, it's likely we get to quite a far gone point before we'd seek help and support and much like running, if we get that niggle investigated early on it's less likely to become an ongoing issue causing us chronic pain.

Finally as a Mental Health First Aider I would also encourage anyone who feels as though they are at breaking point to reach out to someone and start a conversation and equally anyone who is worried about someone in their life, maybe today invite them out for a walk/coffee/chat as caring for others can be as good for your mental health as it is for theirs. And please please do check on your most helpful and supportive people in your life...there is a good chance they are the worst people to know how to ask for their own help!

As always there are plenty of resources available on the #RunAndTalk page and please reach out if you need any extra help signposting yourself to the right support, or want to know where to signpost someone else.

My first shift as a volunteer vaccination steward

When the announcement for recruiting NHS volunteers via the RVS went out early on in the pandemic, I eagerly entered my details only to not receive the "confirm your email" email (stupid inconsistent hotmail.com email address from 1998). I joined the village support group instead, but didn't end up needing to do anything as it turns out South Milford is a very self supporting community and we all helped each other out as neighbours without really needing to reach out via social media. (Alan was accepted straight away, but didn't get many alerts at all and none at a time when he wasn't working, so again it seems locally we've all been good at looking after those who live near us.)

Then as a St John Ambulance trained first aider, I was excited to receive an email inviting me to apply to be a vaccine volunteer, only I didn't pass the screening at that time (I assume because I am asthmatic and this was before I'd had any jabs at all)

I really enjoy volunteering and get an awful lot of enjoyment from it as well as it being a really important tool for me to manage my mental health. I still volunteered in a few different ways such as continuing to deliver guides through zoom and helping write lockdown running training sessions.

I went for my Covid Booster on Thursday and when I got back Alan mentioned he'd had an email from the RVS about volunteering to be a vaccine steward so I thought I'd see if I could sign up properly using a different email address. This time it worked and I was able to confirm my email address and log onto the GoodSam app. I filled in my details on the app and uploaded my ID and also a recent DBS I'd had through Guides (you don't need this to be a vaccine steward volunteer, but if you have a DBS from within the past 12 months it does allow you to volunteer for different roles if you like such as the "Check in and Chat" role). 

Alan and me then looked on the app for potential shifts that we could choose to volunteer and we found shifts at the Batley & Spen Vaccination Centre on Sunday that needed 2 volunteers so we both signed up. The shifts are 4 hours in duration which is long enough to feel like you are making a difference, but not too long that you feel you've not got time to enjoy your weekend. The app is pretty easy to use and you are able to book onto shifts fairly far in advance if you need to be organised, or you can fill something the following day.

As a Volunteer Vaccine Steward you need to be able to do at least 2 shifts per month and in return you get sent a hi vis. They can take some time to be sent out (c2-3 weeks), but you can volunteer straight away without it - we used our own hi vis vets to help identify us as volunteers today.

We signed up for the 1pm - 5pm shift and so did an LFT test before we left and set off stopping at Starbucks near Ikea on the way. Vaccination centres are typically always blessed with parking and we were able to park close by to the centre on the street. We spoke to the site manager when we arrived who very quickly showed us what we needed to do. One role was to be a greeter at the entrance and show people where to go to get checked in after reading a sign and being offered hand sanitiser and a mask and the other role was in the waiting area, wiping down chairs with sanitising wipes after people had finished using them as well as keeping an eye on people in case they needed any assistance.

For the first 3 hours I cleaned chairs and Alan was at the entrance and it was a fairly steady flow of people and it was a game of skill and memory to work out which chairs had been used and needed wiping down. I was working with another lady who worked for the local authority and so we covered the c12 rows of 6 chairs between us.  We were well looked after and I was given a Capri Sun to drink and offered tea, coffee, crisps, cake and biscuits. In a bit of a lull Alan asked if he could perhaps grab a jab himself as the vaccination centre was offering walk in appointments and so he did and we swapped roles and I went to greet people at the entrance.

The entrance was initially quite steady, but got much busier towards the end of the shift. People were all polite and happy to be getting their jabs and there were quite a few walk-ins who looked relieved when I said just to go and get checked in. I handed out masks, offered directions and hand santiser and reassured people who were worried about being too late or too early. Alan had a much busier hour as he was working on his own covering more chairs, but we were able to wave at each other from a distance.

It was a really positive experience and after the vaccine volunteers had been so kind to my Dad getting his booster in October, it felt good to be able to give something back today. The only mildly amusing interaction was a member of the public who decided to give me feedback on my chair wiping technique and a kid shouting through the door of the centre before I heard his friend whisper "ssh the door is open!"

I sometimes worry about "virtue signalling" when I post these things, but I do it more as a record of my experience and for anyone who has thought about volunteering and was either unsure as they didn't know what to expect, or had put it off for whatever reason, Or for people who didn't realise there are still opportunities to help out. I suspect in the coming weeks after the annoucement today the centres will be even busier, so if you think you'd like to spare a couple of hours I'd really recommend the experience based on how things went for us today. 

A few additional things:

• You can claim expenses for mileage and hand sanitiser
• If you are due a vaccination (first, second or booster) you should be able to get one whilst on your shift
• The staff whether clinical or non clincal and other volunteers work really really hard, we were both knackered after just 4 hours, and these guys do longer shifts many days in a row. Even more respect to them than before!
• And...lots of other FAQ answers here

Isolation Journal 52

Today felt really hard, I'm not exactly sure why.  I woke up not too tired and had enough time to get up and make coffee and yoghurt, apple and granola for breakfirst.

I logged on for our team call and got stuck into work, but really struggled to be as productive as I'd hoped.  I'd booked onto an Arvon course with Hisham Matar and listened in the background for the first section and then participated for the second, he was really interesting and the writing exercises were really interesting - write a description of the room you are in, past tense and in the third person and then 3 people including my friend Lauren and a lady that Lauren googled and found online and then they had to rewrite the same piece and task but without stating it, having in mind that the main character had found out that they were to become a parent.  I found it challenging, but a good exercise to complete.  It made me feel like I should definitely be doing more writing.  I think it's one of the things from a very young age that I've wanted to do is to be a published writer, and so I should really try and make it happen.

Our bathroom sink is really smelly, I tried to clean some of the gunk underneath the plug hole and I managed to drop the stick in there, it's been a clumsy day.

Alan made some scones for lunch and we had them with clotted cream, jam and strawberries - they were delicious!  It did cheer me up a little as did the subscription flowers that arrived, more eucalyptus foliage and some white/yellow snapdragons.  I was busy so  I popped them in a few vases of water and then later on in the evening I tidied them up and moved the hydrageas from last time into one vase for the fresher looking ones and one for the older ones.  I now have 4 vases of flowers around the house.

I did some more work and still struggled to be as productive, did a handover with Rachel who is now on annual leave for 2 weeks - I'm going to be super busy!

I then started cooking dinner, but the chicken in the Hello Fresh mango chicken and bulgar wheat took too long to cook so I had to hand over to Alan to finish up and start my end of term guide meeting which was an online Harry Potter Escape room that I'd done with my friend's son.

After guides I sat down with Alan for a bit and he wanted to go for a run and so we went and did 5K up to Sherburn on an out and back route, we went past our local pub that looked pretty busy, but socially distanced and safe. 

I then tidied the kitchen, did a load of washing and set off the dishwasher.  I had a shower in the bath and then listened to the High Low Podcast and put the washing away switching to the Archers.

I then came down and watched some Catfish and updated this blog...

Isolation Journal 45

Today was a day off that I'd taken for holiday, using up one of the two days when we came back early from honeymoon.

I had set an alarm for 9.30am, but of course Qubit woke me up again killing a bird, this time it was definitely dead, but I did put it in a box to be sure, although he also managed to get in the box and get it out!

I got up just before 10am and made some cornflakes and some coffee and logged on to return the call of a client who wanted to catch up with me yesterday and she wants me to help with a senior role, so it was a useful call to return.  I helped Rachel with a spreadsheet query and then I made a quick coffee and dialled into my Arvon Masterclass with Jay Griffiths it was more of a lecture than a participation class like the last one and I am not as familiar with Jay Griffiths, but she's very into nature and is a firm supporter of Extinction Rebellion.  

Her principals of writing were to write and make notes on a small notebook that she takes everywhere, read for feeding the mind, research for a topic you either know lots or nothing about, a blank page to play on and a bin for editing.

We did a couple of exercises that were useful like writing the blurb for a book we are writing to think about what we are aiming for and also writing about something from nature and not mentioning who you are, but how you perceive the world.  Jay also explained about scene and narrative.  I wrote a story about a bumblebee that Alan actually enjoyed - I think it's the first thing I've written that he liked.  I also wrote out a few ideas for a book of flash fiction I'm writing with Lauren and reminded myself of some flash fictions that I want to get written.

I then made orzotto with some vegetable that was on the turn - aubergine, courgette, mushrooms and spring onion with chorizo, garlic and mossarella.  I was going to take Gem's little one for another walk, but it was really wet and she'd not been down for her usual nap.

I then did a bit of work and then went for a run at around 4pm, I'd hoped to do around 10K, but I was feeling really lethargic so I ended up doing 9K and it was muddy and wet so I came in and had a quick shower (even though Alan was going to get me to help him with the aerial).  I listened to the High Low podcast earlier and for my run I listened How to Stop Time I also prepped for the guide meeting and made Hello Fresh for tea - pork with potato and cavola nero mash and apple sauce glaze.  

I brought the laptop into the kitchen for guides and we made mug cakes which was quite quick and successful and delicious even if mine did slightly explode, we played a few games and voted on what Skills Builder they want to do next term.  It was really lovely and the parents posted lots of positive feedback on our online meetings so it's good to know that we are still doing things right for them.  We're doing the escape room next week as their end of term "trip" and hopefully will do a virtual camp as well.

I then watched a load of Spooks with Alan and chatted on whatsapp to my friend Alison who I've not seen since I visited my parents in February.  I really miss the idea that I can see people and not feel nervous - hopefully I'll start to feel more comfortable soon.  I also ordered some flowers for my friend Kate as it's her birthday next week.

Isolation Journal 38

Today I woke up early as I'd booked a Covid test at the drive through regional centre at a nearby park and ride for 8am and so I was up at 7.10am which is a good hour and a half earlier than recently and I had breakfast (apple, yoghurt and granola with coffee) and fed the cats.  I'm helping with the app for monitoring my daily symptoms and it asked me to go for a test, so I obliged.  It was different to the other time when I went back in May and had to open my window and had someone swab for me, this time I was given my own test (they dropped it through the passenger window) and I had to put the swab to the back of my throat and also do my nose - it's not a pleasant test.  I then had to drop it into a box next to my window after they'd stepped away.  I got the results back today and it was negative, which wasnt a surprise.

I was back at home for 8.30am and logged on for work at 9am as usual and kicked off with a call and then had a few bits and pieces to discuss with my boss and then a few prep calls for candidates.  I've come to a conclusion that I worry very much about some calls or disputes about things that then distract me from actually getting on with things, I think one thing about lockdown is it gives a bit too much time for self reflection and less ability to form context from speaking to colleagues.  I had Pilates again at 12pm and then Alan cooked rostis and I put a couple of bratwurst in the overn for lunch and then we had them with sriracha mayo - the house smelled like the German market.  We had 2 deliveries when I was doing pilates, one was a surprise from one of the girls in my team a card an some chocolates to say thank you for some of the help I'd been giving her and the other was a box of flowers that I'd ordered from Arena Flowers as a new 2 weekly subscription - some beautiful blue hydragena and they make me happy every time I see them!  There were 6 blooms with eucalyptus foliage and enough for 2 vases.  I also had a lovely print of a runner from my friend to thank me for my help with the council tax - it's been a very good post week.

Work was very busy with a few things to sort out and I also ran the weekly quiz which was based on peoples LinkedIn profiles and guessing people from bits of photos and also from their testimonials.  

Alan cooked dinner which was a hello fresh pork and rice recipe that I later finished off for lunch tomorrow.  The delivery for toilet paper, natural deodorant and soap arrived from Ethical Superstore which was great.

I then finished off a few more things and then got ready for Guides which was at 7pm and needed some water and bowls prepping, I managed to get ready just in time and they had a fun meeting which was about stress and relaxation.  Kirstie did a guided river and leaves relaxation that was great.  

I was aware that Alan hadn't been out for a few days so I encouraged him to go for a run and we did a fairly good pace for around 5K and had a sit down and chat on the lawn before going in and getting showered and after I'd finished off lunch for tomorrow and ate a lollyand  I cleaned the kitchen and then had a shower and turned on my computer to write my appraisal.  

Alan is a bit down so I went and gave him a hug and got Maya to sit next to him.  

Isolation Journal 30

Alan had a really bad night of sleep as it was really warm, I didn't do so badly as I slept completely not under any covers and I was pleased that I finally finished reading a book and read the last story of Uncommon Type by Tom Hanks before I went to sleep.

I had a coffee and granola, homegrown blackcurrants and raspberries and granny smith and yoghurt.

We had a few teams meetings and I had a few niggles to sort out from the day before, but I managed it.  I also had a difficult conversation that I'd been dreading for weeks with a client, hopefully I've offered a solution.  At 12pm I had a Pilates class online again, it was very warm!  I then made a quick chicken salad with Sriracha mayo dressing and a couple of small jacket potatoes with marmite and butter.

I had a fair bit on in the afternoon and tried to multitask logging onto another interactive webinar on our Unity group.  One of the topics discussed was how people really dislike the term BAME as it doesn't account for the fact that Black and Asian experience is very different.  

We had a quiz at the end of the day which I won and it was all about facts about other people in the team, it means that I'll have to get one together for next week.  I managed to cook a prawn stirfry from Hello Fresh and eat it before the guide meeting at 7pm.  The meeting went well, we played a game of counting to 10 without interrupting each other, then we did a couple of UMAs including guessing who wrote different statements and then thinking about guides in the future.  I used the Whiteboard function and got them to draw which was fun, but a bit chaotic!

I then went out for a quick run and pushed my effort a bit more and did 6.5K in about 35 minutes.  I got back and chatted with my neighbour and watered the plants from yesterday and had a quick shower before having a big hunk of chocolate cake that one of the other neighbours had made with some cream, it was delicious.

I then watched Big Brother and Alan had a bath,

"Reader, I asked him" - how parkrun lead me to change my mind about wanting to get married again

On Saturday I got engaged to my partner Alan.  It was a really special occasion and I wanted to write about how it came to pass, how it went and how we both felt afterwards.

I have been married before. I was with my ex for nearly 12 years and married for around 4 years.  If I had been wiser and braver I might have made some different choices about that relationship, but it eventually ended when both of us were extremely unhappy and with very poor mental health.  

Having been in a relationship since I was 20, I found myself in 2013 as a newly single woman in her early 30s feeling   clueless about "dating".  I decided to do some research and I read some books about dating including "The Rules" by  Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt.  They made me feel even less equipped to enter the world of "dating" not least the complicated world of "online dating".  In the most basic distillation of the advice I took from these books it was basically "as a woman never make the first move (don't even look at a man first!)" and that if someone isn't bothered, they're not bothered and don't waste your energy chasing it (which I guess does make some sense.)

In the following couple of years I went on quite a few dates that would probably serve as a humorous book if I were to write them all down from the guy who lied about his name, age (by 10 years) and having a job and then asked to borrow money from me through to the guy who started too go cold on me (He just clearly wasn't that into me!) and so when he explained why and told me it was because "he would have killed for a garden like mine and would never have let it turn into an overgrown nature reserve" I came to the realisation that online dating in particular is just a bit badly thought out and wasn't really going to find me the sort of person I wanted to be spending my life with.  

Compare online dating to online shopping - you have a list of criteria you are looking for say to book a holiday and you can search for all those elements and see what other people thought of a particular hotel and provider, there are reviews of the service to validate what you are buying.  You can make a considered purchase and worst case scenario - most of the time you can take it back for a refund or buy another one if the reality doesn't match up to expectations.   Not so with dating, the nearest you can get to a "review" is on the "My Single Friend" site which has friends recommend their "single friend" which is obviously slightly biased  You have to take a leap of faith and meet someone who you likely wouldn't bump into in real life.  This situation also affords them the opportunity to behave terribly with no consequences from the community around them.  

Then we come to the perception of infinite choice - if you think meeting a perfect match online is simply finding someone who ticks all of your "wish list" then you'll most likely be looking forever because for every "must like dogs" and "must look like Brad Pitt" you can tick off, you'll never have thought about the unique things that make us all human like "must have those cute tiny creases around their eyes when they smile so it looks like their eyes are twinkly" and those "must have big hands that annoyingly spill stuff everywhere when they cook"...but you don't mind because you love all of them (yes I'm talking about Alan!).  

In August 2015 I deleted all my dating apps because it wasn't good for my mental health to be continually comparing people on superficial qualities and it wasn't good for me to be constantly compared either.  I also read another dating book "Get the Guy" by Matthew Hussey and it gave me a slightly different perspective on things which was "don't obsess over trying to meet *the one* instead just enjoy meeting different new people.  People who can introduce you to other people and will allow you the chance to develop feelings more naturally over time rather than in a pressurised face to face over a coffee.  I also went to see a palm reader on a trip to India and whilst I didn't (and don't!) believe in the truth in what they say, he did something interesting and told me I would meet my next partner between 19/08/16 and 19/09/17 and so it made me think "why am I trying to force this, is it so bad if actually I stop putting pressure on myself and know I might not meet someone immediately?"

When I got back home after my trip, I went running with my friend from Hyde Park Harriers - Sam Scarlett who mentioned to me that she thought I would get on well with her friend Alan who she'd met at parkrun and I'm guessing had a similar conversation with him as shortly afterwards I had a Facebook friend request from him.  I accepted and when I was putting a shout out to try and find someone to keep me company on a 20 mile training run he offered instead to meet me after parkrun for around 15 miles as he was travelling to New York on the Sunday and wanted to get in his marathon training miles before the Yorkshire marathon.  We agreed to meet up and go for a run together after parkrun.

(I must confess at this point that I had actually seen Alan's profile on one of the online dating sites, but despite thinking he looked lovely, I had moved past it as I was so weary with online dating and also I think I was too old for his age criteria at that point!).

I am so glad that I got a second chance to meet Alan!  So thankful for parkrun!
We first met after a fast 5K parkrun at Woodhouse Moor parkrun.  parkrun has been life changing for me in many ways, I first started running back in 2004 when I entered a "Race for Life" event to raise money for Cancer Research and it was amazingly beneficial to both my mental and physical health.  I moved up to a 10K in 2007, a half marathon in 2008 and then a marathon in 2010, but I only discovered parkrun in 2014 after my friend Gemma invited me to her birthday parkrun.  About 6 months before I'd been mugged and my marathon training had ended up being solely on treadmills as I had no confidence to run outside by myself anymore.  I realised that this friendly place called parkrun (which was also free!) meant that at least I could run outside once a week and not feel scared.

Alan walked over to me at the finish after I'd had my barcode scanned and we will have both been sweaty on a very warm September morning.  We set off in my car to Eccup Reservoir and did a couple of laps chatting all the way around.  At one point I had to stop for a pit stop in a bush which is probably not a conventional thing to do on a first date and certainly against "The Rules"!  We called it a day after 12 miles as it was so warm and drove back to Alan's car and went our separate ways (despite me dropping many hints about going out for lunch!) After getting a shower I was really pleased to have a message from Alan inviting me to the cinema that evening and we watched "Legend" at the Everyman and ate pizza.  Alan even picked me up from my house and dropped me home afterwards which was lovely and we had our first kiss in my dining room in front of snuffly Marla cat.

Alan flew to New York the next day and we messaged and face timed a lot in the week he was away and had our second date at Kendall's on the day he arrived back to the UK.  Over the first few weeks we barely spent any time apart and visited Antwerp and the Yorkshire Dales together.  I knew that Alan must like me a bit when a day after his Yorkshire Marathon where he smashed 35 minutes off his PB he signed up to run the White Rose Ultramarathon with me (and Sam Scarlett) 2 weeks later.   On our first glamping trip to Swinton Bivouac the topic of marriage came up and I said that for me I didn't want to do it again as it wasn't that it felt like something that I needed to do and was very expensive.  Alan seemed disappointed and said that for that reason he'd not ask me as I'd made it clear I didn't want to be married again.  

3 1/2 years on and we are very happy living together in a house we bought together in December 2016 with two lovely cats and for all purposes live as if we are married.  So you might think - what changed? 

In March this year I saw one of my friends from my teenage years, Will, marry Sara. Sara had also been married before and I got the impression may have felt like me about doing it all over again, but seeing her and Will look so happy on their wedding day that was all about them, their relationship and how they wanted the day to be that it started me thinking "Am I just being stubborn?"  Sara even made a speech and made the point that it would encourage more women to be more equal in the marriage process and that got me thinking a bit more.  

As I was driving back home with Alan sat next to me, I realised I had changed my mind, whilst I didn't think getting married would make our relationship any different, being with Alan makes me feel safe and happy and I thought it would be lovely to celebrate this with our friends and family and also to give us both the chance to have a wedding and a marriage together.  It wasn't something I felt I "should" do, but it felt like I might regret not doing it if we didn't.   He had said he'd never ask me though and I thought to myself "what's holding me back from asking him?" and I realised that the only thing holding me back was that women don't generally ask men.  As a guide leader and ex-Women's Institute president, I'm also very keen at ensuring that as a woman we continue to move towards equality and that one area we are terribly unequal is in relationships and in particular proposing marriage, but with anything unless people are willing to stand up and be one of the first to do it, people won't feel confident to try too.  

I knew that if there was only one place that would be right to ask him, it had to be parkrun.  I was still driving back from the wedding and got so emotional thinking about it that tears were running down my face and Alan was trying to ask me "what's wrong?" and I couldn't really explain.

Alan is extremely good at guessing anything I'm up to try and surprise him, but it occurred to me that this year his birthday fell on parkrunday (known to others as Saturday).  By using his birthday as a decoy I could invite family and friends to come to parkrun with the excuse of "It's your birthday!" and then ask him if he wanted to get married.  I told him I was going to organise a special birthday parkrun "but it's only my 37th birthday, it's not a special birthday!?!" he said, but didn't seem to get too suspicious.

To make sure I wasn't going completely crazy, I sense checked my plans with my friend Hannah who thought if I wanted to do it and was happy and loved him then I should ask him and offered to come and help me on the day in any way needed.

I then looked at the volunteer rota and saw that it was Anne Akers the event director (who we know well) who was down to be the run director on the day of Woodhouse Moor parkrun where I first met Alan.  I contacted her directly as I wanted to keep it as secret as possible to avoid any chance of it slipping out before the day!  She was delighted with my idea and I promised to make sure that my plans wouldn't interfere with the normal business of parkrun.

I had a few ideas of how I could ask Alan.  I have seen stories where some people have proposed at the run briefing before the runners set off, but I know Alan is not always keen on being a big centre of attention and also would probably not want to actually run after such a life event!  Anne's husband Noel suggested I could reveal a message per lap of the 3 lap course, which I think would be great, but knowing how curious Alan is there would be another risk he'd not complete parkrun (and I couldn't be responsible for that!!)  In the end the idea that I settled on was to volunteer on "unscannables" which means I'd manually write down any unscannable barcodes at the end of the run.  I would task the scanners to mysteriously not scan Alan's barcode and then I'd have to write down his barcode and could ask the question.  Anne liked the idea and I was happy as it wouldn't have too big an audience, wouldn't interfere with normal parkrun business and would also be metres away from where I first met Alan.

I wanted to make the occasion as special as possible and also knowing how emotional and tearful the idea was making me, I came up with an idea to help me out on the day if nerves kicked in.  I planned to make a video with some of our memories of our time together like the strava track of our first parkrun and run together, a screenshot of the first messages we exchanged and some holiday and running photos.  At the end it would have some words written down about how I'd changed my mind about wanting to get married.  I first used the 1 Second Everyday app, but it was just too quick!  I didn't want the last few slides to not be readable (Hannah confirmed my fears!)  I then ran the 1 Second Everyday photo and video montage through another video editing app to slow it down, but it made the bits with speech sound weird.  I then remembered that I'd gone to the Apple store with my Guides last year and they'd made videos with music about what they enjoyed about being a Guide using the Clips app on the Iphone.  This was perfect as it allowed me to make text slides, add music and add speech bubbles to what the cats were thinking!

The video took me ages... my Iphone screentime report was huge for 3 weeks!  I also in-between ran Manchester Marathon and had a pretty terrible time running.  I had to walk the last 12K including running past somewhere playing "One day like this" by Elbow which made me burst into tears and felt like the perfect song to put the video to.  Finally I had a roughly 4 minute video that right at the end finished with slides telling him that I'd changed my mind about not wanting to get married again and ending with the word "so" leaving me the small matter to turn to Alan and ask him to marry me.

I was still really nervous about all my preparations - I'd asked Alan's brother Dom to come to his birthday parkrun and ideally wanted to tell him in person about my plans, but we'd not managed to meet up beforehand.  I messaged him to let him know and he said he'd be there with Alan's niece and nephew and he even brought Winston the dog with him on the day!  I said I was scared he wouldn't say yes, but he said he didn't think I needed to worry and thatwe were as "thick as thieves".  I also met Sam Scarlett who had introduced us in the first place and showed her the video and asked if she would be around on the day to run with Alan if needed - she was delighted and her reaction to the video was what I'd hoped for and gave me some confidence that it would land well with Alan - even though it ended up being about 4 minutes!

I'd also got my cousin Jenny to come on the day as well as Alan's colleague Danielle (who I didn't tell in advance as that would be a potentially tough secret to keep at work!)

I kept saying to Alan how excited I was for his birthday parkrun - I could hardly contain myself!  I think he was a bit baffled by it all, but didn't suspect anything other than perhaps a surprise picnic!  I'd ordered him a new parkrun wristband for his birthday as well as a leather bracelet with a silver engraved section with our two parkrun numbers and the date we met on it (although stupidly in my excitement I managed to put my birthday of the year we met by mistake - doh!!!)
The night before I'd bought some birthday tiffin for him and put the bottle of champagne I won a few years back in a bag and then struggled hard to fall asleep.  I woke up early to give him his main birthday present and make some hot cross buns, orange juice and coffee for breakfast and we made our way to parkrun.  The night before he said "I don't understand why you're volunteering" and I said it was because Hannah was coming and might need some help keeping an eye on energetic James!  Alan also kindly ran with Alex who is only 9 and so needed to be in arms reach of a responsible adult!

We arrived at parkrun and I carried over my bags of provisions and my cousins Christmas presents from my parents (yes I know we've just not managed to catch up for ages!).  "why are there cups in your bag?" asked Alan "My cousin is having a BBQ later and needs to borrow them" and he didn't ask anything further thankfully!

I grabbed my hi-vis vest and a clipboard and pen, said hello to lots of people who were wishing Alan a happy birthday.  Anne Akers cheered him up by pointing out that 37 is a prime number.  Hannah met us with a very excitable James and Alex and then we all walked over to the start.

It was such a beautiful morning, sunny with a completely blue sky and the runners set off on their run after Anne had given Alan a birthday shout out, I'd told the scanners I had some special instructions for them and when the run had started I told them what I'd got planned and showed them a photo of Alan so they knew not to scan his barcode when he got to the finish.
As we walked back to the finishing funnel I realised that Alan's brother Dom had arrived with Ada on his shoulders, Wren in the buggy and Winston on the lead and I spotted my cousin Jenny had arrived too.  After cheering the runners past 2 laps I took up my position at the end of the finish funnel with Hannah and James ready to take the clipboard from me when Alan arrived, writing down at least a page and half of unscannables in the process.

With the help of Danielle, Alan managed to pace Alex around to shave 10 minutes his parkrun pb finishing in just under 35 minutes and headed straight over to me bypassing the scanners because he could tell that Alex had an issue with his barcode.  I handed the clipboard to Hannah and said that I had a special video to play Alan "I'll watch it later, I need to get my barcode scanned first" he said, but I insisted and played him the video putting my arm around him as he lent over me and dripped sweat onto my head.  

The video played and James was keen to look too until his attention span flicked onto something else and Anne took up a position ready to snap a photo and a small audience gathered behind us as the video played.  It was hard to not comment on anything or hurry it along and as we watched it play on my phone my legs had started to shake with nerves.  The last few slides played and then I turned to Alan and quietly said "will you marry me" and he took my face in his hands with a tear in his eye (it wasn't just sweat!) and said "of course I'll marry you" and we had a kiss and a hug and turned around to an audience who said "Well?!?!" to which Alan declared "I said yes!" and everyone cheered and congratulated us.

We walked back over to the start to pick up our stuff and I opened up the bottle of champagne and shared it with people and Danielle shared her amazing baked goods of Easter Rocky Road, cheese straws and sausage rolls and we all had a great time chatting and smiled an awful lot.  I'd given Alan the bracelet and he had put it straight on and then after a few second glances, he realised I'd managed to mess up the date.  

After some time had passed and we'd drank some champagne, we walked over towards the parkrun cafe - Opposite and realised we should probably tell our parents about our news before it got out over Facebook!  I rang my Mum and Dad and told them and Alan Skyped his mum and they were all very pleased.  We walked across to get coffee and were glad we'd made the call then as we spotted the lovely photo that Anne had taken off us shared on the Woodhouse Moor parkrun facebook page and quickly got a lot of likes (It's a great photo - thanks Anne!)

We were slightly overwhelmed by all the well wishers and I've not yet managed to respond to all the lovely messages yet, but I will!  We'd arranged to go to our local pub, The Queen o' t' owd Thatch, for dinner anyway and were delighted that when we arrived my friend Lauren had bought us a bottle of fizz to go with our meal and also they decorated our plate with congratulations for our dessert.  

Both the  Yorkshire Evening Post and the BBC got in touch as a result of the response to the photo Anne had shared to Facebook and it seems that a lot of people enjoyed reading about our story and a few people commented on the posts "I wish this could happen to me!" or "I wish I could meet someone at parkrun!"  Both myself and Alan would definitely say - you can, but I think embracing the whole of parkrun will make it more likely.  Run, walk or jog parkrun and chat to people (or even just smile at people if you are shy) as you go around, volunteer and get to know the core team and importantly (one of the best bits!) go to the coffee shop and get to be a part of the wider parkrun community.  In the dating book that I liked..."Get the Guy", it said that if you want to meet *the one* don't just focus on meeting that *one* person, but instead focus on broadening your network and meeting lots of people, ideally doing something that you love (it doesn't have to be running!).  parkrun provided a great opportunity to not only improve my health and meet lots of lovely new friends, it ultimately introduced me to my future husband. parkrun has genuinely changed my life for the better in so many ways.  And now we are planning our wedding for September!


I love parkrun and parkrun helped me to find love. 

#loveparkrun