I've never felt so young waiting for my

I've been asthmatic since I was around 10 years old and I used to have a blue inhaler that I wasn't very good at taking when I was a child.  Both my parents have always been severely asthmatic and my brother was diagnosed before I was, so I don't fare too badly from what I could have been handed by genetics. I've always gone for check ups and until 2016 I didn't really need much medication for it unless I had a particularly heavy cold, exposure to chemical fumes or a panic attack.  A few years ago I'd noticed it getting worse and so my GP put me onto Symbicort which I couldn't really tell I was taking, but my symptoms improved so we concluded that it was doing as it supposed to and I started having annual flu jabs.  I'm supposed to take my symbicort twice a day and until March last year, it tended to be more likely once a day. 

When Covid came into my consciousness as a respiratory disease I made sure that I was diligently taking both inhaler doses and increased my running to keep my lungs as healthy as possible, especially as back in March/April last year and up until around December, asthmatics were described as clinicallly vulnerable in terms of Covid.  

I've tried to volunteer a few times for both the NHS volunteers and the St John's Ambulance vaccine volunteer scheme, but hotmail seemed to filter out my email and so I couldn't activate it (and anyway, Alan has had the app for months, but had no requests to respond to as we're living in a particularly helpful and community spirited village) and St John's declined me (I think down to my asthma).  I feel quite useless when I know so many people are working so hard to battle covid.  

I was always positive for a vaccine being discovered and so was cheered by the annoucements in December and imagined it wouldn't be too long until they'd be down to the 6th group of people to be vaccinated which included clinically vulnerable people like myself, but they changed the guidance and all asthmatics who hadn't been hospitalised recently and / or were on oral medication were taken off the clinically vulnerable list. 

I was disappointed, but patient as I know for vaccines to work you can never be selfish and they have to be universally available to be effective.  I wasn't about to get a jab and go out hugging strangers, so waiting and isolating longer wasn't any different to what I'd been expecting for the start of the year.  Every relative getting their appointment and every friend on Facebook with their vaccine selfie cheered me immensely as those who needed protecting the most, whether due to an invisible and private condition, age or indeed job was getting the protection they needed to help us get back to a more normal way of life.

In March I learned I was pre-diabetic again.  After having this diagnosis in 2014 I managed to make some lifestyle changes and my yearly HbA1c blood tests were all below the pre-diabetic range until this year.  It's not surprising as the last 12 months have meant that despite running more than usual (around 20 - 25 miles a week), I don't move as much during an average "work" day and I've put on a little weight.  I'm fighting genetics to a certain extent, but when diabetes was highlighted earlier in the pandemic as another condition that could make you more clinically vulnerable it was something else to bother my anxious brain, along with the knowledge that I was born with a heart mumur.

I realise that the above all makes me sound a bit like a hypochondriac, but there is far less to distract me from anxious mind at the moment so these things tend to run around my head in circles with my brain paying these thoughts more attention than they deserve.  It also makes me sound incredibly selfish, particularly looking at the awful things happening in India at the moment, but anxiety and worry isn't a competition and just by looking at those in a worse situation doesn't make most people feel any better.

News article headlines on my news app from The Telegraph declared "all over 40s to have their first vaccine by Easter" and I didn't pay for the subscription, but I hoped they might know something the rest of the press didn't at that point.  As the age groups ticked down and the numbers ticked up and news of "over 50% of adults have now been vaccinated" I had never felt so young at nearly 41 years old.  I even got excited with a phishing email from the NHS about my vaccine, until I realised the email address was total rubbish and I just reported it to hotmail.

When the age got down to those aged 44 and older, or those turning 44 before July, I knew it couldn't be too long before it was my turn.  Using the knowledge of when we've tried to buy Glastonbury tickets I'd stay up past midnight each night and refresh the NHS website to try and see if they'd added a new age category.  Each time it came up with "you are not yet eligible to book" until Thursday evening when the landing page still said 42 and over, but it let me through to book and I was able to get a slot for Saturday in Sheffield Arena at 6.05pm.  There were closer venues, but the wait was longer and I'm not doing much at the moment so it seemed like a good reason for a trip to Sheffield.  I was able to book my second dose for July in York which is a bit closer to get to. 

The main frustration was that Alan having just turned 39 in April was still too young to book so it was hard to be too happy and excited as I know he's really anxious about getting his.  

The thought of getting a vaccine has felt quite emotional.  Whilst I know it won't change anything immediately, it at least feels like a sign of hope and so on my run on Friday evening after work my mind was racing and I had to stop myself crying and having a panic attack (it happens when I cry) when I was running around the village.

I'd been discussing with Alan months back, that I'd like to dress for the occasion and his response had been "what like wearing a hat with fruit?" and ever since then it's been all I can think about!  I'd researched a few options, but some were around £100 to buy on Etsy so in the end I had a fairly limited timescale to get an outfit together.

I got my wedding flowery head dress out (it did actually have some fruit on it!) a skirt that my friend had helped me make out of material inspired by Lichenstein that my neighbour had used offcuts to make masks from.  I also got my snag tights with rainbow colouring and my LED light up shoes.

We set off early as the traffic to Sheffield can be bad if the A1 has any problems, Alan drove me as we guessed I could at least ask the question when I booked in if they had any spare vaccines (they didn't unfortunately and don't take 'walk ins' at Sheffield Arena).  We were about 15 minutes early and so I waited in the car until I could go in.

I first had to sanitise my hands and put on a clinical mask before entering the building and then I checked in my details with my booking reference with a lovely lady who was a volunteer for the Sheffield Hospitals Charity.  The staff and volunteers were all happy that I'd made an effort to look cheerful as they were all cheerful themselves, despite the majority of them telling me that they'd been on shift since around 7am that day.  

I then walked into the main arena and queued up on very spaced out dots.  The last time I was at the Arena I think was to see Eddie Izzard probably around 10 years ago, it looked smaller and weirdly I felt for the volunteers and staff who would have been totally lacking in daylight in the arena.  A child in a buggy chatted about my shoes and after about 5 minutes of waiting I was shown into a cubicle and asked some questions by a friendly guy who pointed out it was my birthday soon and had more details checked on the system.  A nurse then came in to cover a few more essential questions such as any medication I take regularly, any chance I might be pregnant etc and she was friendly and professional, but I think pleased to be coming to the end of her shift as I was told they are each vaccinating around 200 people per day.

I chose my left arm as it's always painful anyway after I broke my shoulder 3 years ago and it was over really quickly and was less painful than a flu jab.  As Alan was driving I didn't have to wait for 15 mins to check I was ok and after being given a sticker and my paperwork I was able to leave at 6.22pm.  It was so professional, friendly and swift, I was really impressed.

Alan drove us back home and I felt a little tiny bit lightheaded, but I often feel like that when as a passenger these days.

I'd specifcally planned nothing for Sunday and Monday in case I felt in anyway bad, but that evening I was fine.  I took some paracetamol as I've been having a lot of tension headaches and sometimes it can be harder to get to sleep.

Sunday we had a lazy morning and then went to the garden centre and did 2 hours of gardening and I was fine.  It was only really about 24 hours after the jab when I felt definitely very tired and fell asleep in front of the TV and again had a bit of a headache.

Monday was similar, but Alan had his own bad headache and so I spent the day binge watching TV (I Hate Suzie) and then I went for a run at 6pm and felt much better.

Tuesday I was logging back on at work and I was completely back to normal.

I know some people are worried about the vaccine, and I've had a few online discussions about vaccines in the past, but, as someone who as a child was allergic to egg and couldn't have the normal childhood vaccines and suffered very badly from mumps, chicken pox and measles I really appreciate that if you can take a vaccine, then I think it's important to do so as it helps protect those who can't and might be more vulnerable.  If you think you might have specific concerns, then talk to your doctor who will know your medical records and what is right for you far better than google and people who have spent over a year with less to distract them from online social media debates.

I am looking forward to Alan getting booked in for his first jab, getting my second done in July and finally getting my ridiculously long hair cut off in celebration to donate to Little Princess Trust.

And just for good measure - thank you NHS, thank you volunteers and thank you all key workers.